Kid History II

This is for all of you who liked Kid History Part I.  Lee found Kid History Part II tonight.  So here it is...

I think I liked the first one better...it seemed a little less scripted...but this is still pretty dang funny (as far as I'm concerned) and well worth your time...unless you are an apostle or heart surgeon.  

And...if you're an apostle AND heart surgeon then it really isn't worth your time.  That's right E. Nelson...if you're one of my blog leeches, you can just skip this post.  But be a champ and leave me a comment sometime...okay?  

Anyway, for all of you normal people out there, it's well worth watching.  

I think my favorite parts are the licking the loogie off the hand part and John's wheezy laugh at the end.  

I hope these guys can come up with more stories to tell.  

Enjoy!

A broken heart at Christmastime

My heart is broken this Christmas season.  

The unthinkable has happened. 

Tootsie Roll Industries has discontinued its best ever candy...Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis...the only thing I was looking forward to this Christmas.  

The CEO of Tootsie Roll Industries needs a roundhouse kick to the head because Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis are were (RIP) the world's best candy (at least as far as I'm concerned...and pretty much everyone I know who was lucky enough to taste them last Christmas).  

I'm not a big time candy lover.  I'd rather get my fat and calories from cookies, cakes, pastries, etc.  

But, when it comes to candy, these were absolutely amazing.  The texture was perfect.  The crunch was just right.  The size was perfect.  The amount of mint was perfect.  

Basically, they were perfection in candy form.  They were the type of candy that I can imagine the candy bowls on every coffee table in heaven would be filled with.  Seriously.  Amazing.  Celestial.  Divine.

And this year I searched and searched and searched for these candies to no avail.  

And then I waited, thinking that maybe they'd be out later in the season.  

And then I searched some more.  

And then I wrote to Tootsie Roll Industries asking them what was up with no Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis this year.  

And they simply replied that the candies had been "discontinued."  

And then I cried (not really).

And then complained to everyone I knew who also loved these candies.

And then I thought of like 500 super disgusting candies (in the U.S. alone) that could be discontinued instead of the delicious Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis.  Some examples of ralphingly disgusting candies that the world could live without are: Necco Wafers, Circus Peanuts, Orange Sticks and Slices, Conversation Hearts, 3Musketeers, Mike and Ikes, Good & Plenty (double barf...who buys these?), Dots, Snaps, etc.  

And then I wrote to Tootsie Roll Industries again and begged them to please bring the candies back and give them a better chance with better marketing and that I'd personally buy at least one case of them.  And then I asked why they discontinued them..."was it because they caused cancer in lab rats?" I asked. 

Because I would take my chances with the cancer if that was the case.  I mean first of all, I'm a lot bigger than a rat.  Second of all, those studies are often wrong.  And third of all, Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis are amazing...and you've got to die of something or from something anyway...so why not die in complete minty bliss?  

But they haven't answered that email yet.

I can't imagine any other logical reason for discontinuing such a tasty holiday treat other than cancer in lab rats.  

Anyway, I'm just wishing and hoping and praying that by some miracle Tootsie Roll Industries will give these candies another chance.  

If you feel as passionately as I do about this issue, please take the time to leave Tootsie Roll Industries a comment about your disgust at the loss of these candies.  

It only takes a minute.  

And it could change the world.  

Shame on me...

I just got an email from my brother with the subject "shame on you" and a link to this article.  

Maybe I'm just a heartless jerk, but I still don't feel bad about what I did.  Even if it was "inappropriate."  I've done lots of inappropriate things in my life...this is just one of many.  Add it to the list.  At least this inappropriate thing will pay for my Christmas 2010 gifts.  

And, in my defense, I didn't post an ad on craigslist.  I just responded to an ad.  And if that ad hadn't existed then I wouldn't have done what I did.  

And if there weren't people who did drugs then there wouldn't be drug dealers.

And if there weren't gamblers then there wouldn't be casinos.    

And if there weren't crazed David Archuleta fans then I wouldn't be 200 dollars richer.  

I say it's capitalism at its finest.  

Zumba Dummy

Tonight I joined in on the Zumba fad for the first time.  My cousin Audrey and sister-in-law Kim talked me in to giving it a try.  I wonder if, after tonight's class, they regret it...if they were embarrassed to know me.  

I know I was embarrassed to know me.  

Because I'm sooooooo uncoordinated.  

And I suck.

And I kept bumping into the people around me.

And I might have almost fallen once.  

I'm a Zumba disaster...kinda like the lady in the picture above.  But she looks like a clueless Zumba disaster...at least I know I'm a Zumba disaster.  That's a start, right?  

And I'm serious...I'm not just saying that I'm an uncoordinated disaster in the way that everyone says they're uncoordinated.  I really am.  I might just be the most uncoordinated person I know.  

If you don't believe me just ask my brother Tyler to see the video he took of me the first time I played wii tennis.  I was pretty horrible.  I was all over the room swinging that wii controller around uncontrollably.  Tyler said that if he posted the video on YouTube that it would definitely go viral.  I didn't let him.  Maybe I should have though.  I might be YouTube famous by now.   

I'm just naturally uncoordinated I suppose.  It's not that my parents didn't try to help me.  From a young age they had me in ballet, jazz, tap, and gymnastics classes.  But I was pretty much hopeless from the beginning.  Someday maybe I'll post the video of me at my first ballet recital so you can see for yourselves just how bad I really was.  I was so horrible that people in the audience laughed when it came time for my little solo twirl with star-wand wave combo.  Well, at least I was funny I guess.  

Anyway, I figured that regardless of my dancing disability, I'd better get doing something...before my fat rolls get any more numerous or large.  I don't want to start losing things in them...like car keys or fried chicken.  

I don't know why I've always been so worried about losing fried chicken in my fat rolls.  

Because I don't even eat fried chicken.

Anyway, it's back to Zumba again tomorrow.  I'm not quite ready to give up yet.  Even if I am embarrassing myself.  

Wish me luck! 

With Christmas approaching...

my brothers will want to know what I want for Christmas.  


They usually don't start asking that question until about December 23ish.  But I thought I'd give them a little head start this year.  


And really, I'm super easy to buy for.  I like and want most things.  So instead of listing everything that I might like to receive for Christmas I thought instead that I'd just mention a few things that I hope not to receive this year. 


A lot of what I'm posting is Mormon artwork.  I'm not a huge fan of most Mormon artwork.  I'm pretty picky I guess.  I just like the normal stuff.  


Same with Mormon music...I don't like a lot of it.  That Dairyman's Daughter song from the 90's almost ruined my fragile teenage testimony.  Really any Michael McLean music scares me.  And some of the following artwork does too, so please don't buy me any of it for Christmas.  Thank you.  
  

Jesus passing the Sacrament while zombie baby approaches

Jesus signing "I love you"(1)

Jesus helping with scripture study

Jesus reflecting in your 1970's mirror-covered closet doors

Jesus suiting up the sister missionary

Jesus and the black kid in a wheelchair dressed in a baptismal jumpsuit (2)

Babies see Jesus everywhere

Jesus presents the Constitution while Abraham Lincoln performs in a barbershop quartet and really random people from the past (like that lady who blew up in the Challenger space shuttle) look on

Nazareth High School
Class of 18 A.D. (3)

Footnotes

[1] If you, or one of your children, are deaf, I won't think it's weird if you own this picture.

[2] If you are black AND wheelchair bound, owning this picture might be okay, but, according to the most recent church statistics, there are only four black kids in wheelchairs in the church and I doubt you're one of them. 

[3] This isn’t that freaky of a picture I suppose, but for some reason a smiling Jesus just sort of scares me and I don't know why.  

Other things I hope not to find under the tree this year...

This wall vase.  Freaky.

Spray-on hair filler.  Because the last thing I need during a snowstorm is to have spray-paint running down my neck.  

Pajama jeans

And avoid Snuggies in all their forms...

the Gangsta Snuggie...

the Babysitter Snuggie...

the Alien Snuggie...

and the Sport Snuggie.

And please please please don't buy me...

a steak brander...

or fetus cookie cutters.  

Because that's just creepy.  

Thank you.

What are you hoping not to get for Christmas this year?

Brazil for Christmas?

So I'm thinking that I may go to Brazil for Christmas after all.  
We had a lovely Fall in Idaho but just like that the weather turned bad.  And, I think I may have had my fill of this:

and this...

and this...

for the year already.  


Although that last picture of the giant drift in my G-ma's backyard is pretty beautiful.  But beautiful is still cold and wet.  


I guess I'm just a wimp.  


I guess I just don't like driving on slick roads or having cold, wet, feet all of the time.  And I REALLY don't like what going out in the snow does to my hair...hair gets messed up, self esteem drops, and the day is basically ruined.  


Anyway, don't get me wrong...I do LOVE love LOVE Idaho, but I am not a huge fan of Idaho Winters.  


If I had my way I'd live in Idaho from May through September and also from December 24th to January 1st and then I'd hide out somewhere warmer for the rest of the year.  


I need to find a warm place that isn't humid and also doesn't require you to share your home with large spiders, scorpions, and/or geckos.  


Oh, and I guess I need to find a job that allows me to split my time between two places...any suggestions?  

I did it.

I sold MoTab tickets that I paid absolutely nothing for.

And I sold them for 200 dollars.

The cash is in my hand.  (in small unmarked bills) 

And now everybody is trying to make me feel bad about it...like I sold my soul to the devil himself.  

What's up with that?  

You can't be guilt tripping me now...because it's too late.  The deed is done. 

And I gave everyone the opportunity to pre-guilt trip me here...I asked all of you, my blog readers, my moral compasses, my guides to what is right and proper in this world to lead me and guide me and not one person said, "STOP Becca!!!...Don't do it!...200 bucks isn't worth rotting in hell over forever!...It's not worth 200 dollars to have guilt eternally eat away at your soul!"  

But, nobody stopped me.  Not even my mother.

So why are people making me feel like I'm a creepy person for making such an awesome gain on my money?...0 dollars invested...200 gained.  It's an incalculable return on my investment.  

As far as I'm concerned, I should be applauded for making such a sound financial decision in times like these.  

And, it takes two to tango.  If there hadn't been a demand then I wouldn't have supplied.  But there was a demand and I supplied.  

The guy I sold them to is a die-hard David Archuleta fan and so is his family.  

He thanked me exactly eight times via email for selling him the tickets.  He said to me "you have no clue how happy I am to get these tickets."  He drove an hour in a snowstorm to pick them up.  And when we met he greeted me with 200 bucks and a smile and said, "I'm so excited to get these," and then he even made a joke about it looking like a drug deal (we met in a Maverick parking lot), and then he thanked me again.  

He thanked me and thanked me and thanked me for selling him tickets I got for free...

and they were balcony seats.  

I suck.