"Happy Holidays"...

is what terrorists say. 

So I'll just say "Merry Christmas" instead. 

Christmas 1988...I think.  Back when Christmases were mind-blowingly awesome...and so were homemade sweatpants.   

I hope everyone is having/has had a fantastic Christmas!
Love,
me

Kid History II

This is for all of you who liked Kid History Part I.  Lee found Kid History Part II tonight.  So here it is...

I think I liked the first one better...it seemed a little less scripted...but this is still pretty dang funny (as far as I'm concerned) and well worth your time...unless you are an apostle or heart surgeon.  

And...if you're an apostle AND heart surgeon then it really isn't worth your time.  That's right E. Nelson...if you're one of my blog leeches, you can just skip this post.  But be a champ and leave me a comment sometime...okay?  

Anyway, for all of you normal people out there, it's well worth watching.  

I think my favorite parts are the licking the loogie off the hand part and John's wheezy laugh at the end.  

I hope these guys can come up with more stories to tell.  

Enjoy!

A broken heart at Christmastime

My heart is broken this Christmas season.  

The unthinkable has happened. 

Tootsie Roll Industries has discontinued its best ever candy...Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis...the only thing I was looking forward to this Christmas.  

The CEO of Tootsie Roll Industries needs a roundhouse kick to the head because Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis are were (RIP) the world's best candy (at least as far as I'm concerned...and pretty much everyone I know who was lucky enough to taste them last Christmas).  

I'm not a big time candy lover.  I'd rather get my fat and calories from cookies, cakes, pastries, etc.  

But, when it comes to candy, these were absolutely amazing.  The texture was perfect.  The crunch was just right.  The size was perfect.  The amount of mint was perfect.  

Basically, they were perfection in candy form.  They were the type of candy that I can imagine the candy bowls on every coffee table in heaven would be filled with.  Seriously.  Amazing.  Celestial.  Divine.

And this year I searched and searched and searched for these candies to no avail.  

And then I waited, thinking that maybe they'd be out later in the season.  

And then I searched some more.  

And then I wrote to Tootsie Roll Industries asking them what was up with no Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis this year.  

And they simply replied that the candies had been "discontinued."  

And then I cried (not really).

And then complained to everyone I knew who also loved these candies.

And then I thought of like 500 super disgusting candies (in the U.S. alone) that could be discontinued instead of the delicious Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis.  Some examples of ralphingly disgusting candies that the world could live without are: Necco Wafers, Circus Peanuts, Orange Sticks and Slices, Conversation Hearts, 3Musketeers, Mike and Ikes, Good & Plenty (double barf...who buys these?), Dots, Snaps, etc.  

And then I wrote to Tootsie Roll Industries again and begged them to please bring the candies back and give them a better chance with better marketing and that I'd personally buy at least one case of them.  And then I asked why they discontinued them..."was it because they caused cancer in lab rats?" I asked. 

Because I would take my chances with the cancer if that was the case.  I mean first of all, I'm a lot bigger than a rat.  Second of all, those studies are often wrong.  And third of all, Junior Mints Candy Coated Minis are amazing...and you've got to die of something or from something anyway...so why not die in complete minty bliss?  

But they haven't answered that email yet.

I can't imagine any other logical reason for discontinuing such a tasty holiday treat other than cancer in lab rats.  

Anyway, I'm just wishing and hoping and praying that by some miracle Tootsie Roll Industries will give these candies another chance.  

If you feel as passionately as I do about this issue, please take the time to leave Tootsie Roll Industries a comment about your disgust at the loss of these candies.  

It only takes a minute.  

And it could change the world.  

Shame on me...

I just got an email from my brother with the subject "shame on you" and a link to this article.  

Maybe I'm just a heartless jerk, but I still don't feel bad about what I did.  Even if it was "inappropriate."  I've done lots of inappropriate things in my life...this is just one of many.  Add it to the list.  At least this inappropriate thing will pay for my Christmas 2010 gifts.  

And, in my defense, I didn't post an ad on craigslist.  I just responded to an ad.  And if that ad hadn't existed then I wouldn't have done what I did.  

And if there weren't people who did drugs then there wouldn't be drug dealers.

And if there weren't gamblers then there wouldn't be casinos.    

And if there weren't crazed David Archuleta fans then I wouldn't be 200 dollars richer.  

I say it's capitalism at its finest.