Oops!

So today I had to put my foot in my mouth. This isn't an uncommon occurrence since I often say stupid things due to a little faulty brain wiring. Don't worry...it wasn't as bad as asking a woman when she's due to deliver her baby when she isn't even pregnant or anything. But here's what I said... So, I'm at my cousin David's wedding this weekend and was going through the line at their reception. When I got to Dave and his new wife Liz I gave them a hug and congratulated them. But then that was done and the people in front of me in line weren't moving on. Great. What else can you say to a newly married couple besides congratulations?...especially when you just have a minute and don't have time to get into a real conversation. So I said, "Where are you guys going on your honeymoon...or is it a big secret?" Dave smiles and replies, "Wisconsin." So I start laughing and say, "Haaaaaaaaaaa that's hilarious...what are you guys going to do there...tour a cheese factory or something?" They just laughed back and then the line started to move again and I moved on and I thought to myself, 'well, I guess I'll have to ask someone else where they are really going.' So a few minutes later I asked one of Dave's siblings and guess what?...they are going to Wisconsin on their honeymoon. I guess that's where Dave's new wife is from and so they're going out there for the open house/honeymoon combo. ANYWAY, in my defense, David was smiling and half laughing when he told me they were going to Wisconsin on their honeymoon which made me think it was a little joke and secondly, WHO GOES TO WISCONSIN ON THEIR HONEYMOON ANYWAY? SERIOUSLY.

My blessed nomadic life...

Just for all of you who were worried about me using up all my savings moving a million times and losing sleep over it...probably just my MOM...I just wanted to say that after I wrote my post complaining about the high cost of being a nomad,that things started looking up for me a little. First of all my nice Aunt Ellen offered (well actually her daughter Lucy offered for her) to drive her pickup down to Utah when she comes next weekend and help me move then. Unfortunately, I have to be up in Idaho by the 1st of May (details on why I have to be in Idaho by May 1st coming soon...) and so that didn't quite work out. But then, I decided to call one last rental place and found a truck I could rent that should only end up costing me about 200 bucks...which is much better than 350. But, this place only had a 16 foot truck and not a 10 foot truck (which is all I really needed). So now I have to drive this huge moving van to Idaho today and back tomorrow. It's too bad I don't know anyone who needed to move something from Idaho to Utah tomorrow since I'll be coming back with an empty truck. What a waste! Someone should start a website where you can share moving trucks or something. Anyway, I'm a little scared to drive a moving truck for 8 hours in the next day but what else do you do as a nomadic spinster? So wish me luck for the drive!

Family...

Here is a direct transcript from phone conversations with my brothers earlier today when I called them asking them for their social security numbers so they can be beneficiaries on my IRA accounts. Me: "Tyler I need your social security number." Tyler: "Why?" Me: "So I can steal your identity." Tyler: silence Me: "No, really, I'm setting up my IRA and need your SS # so I can list you as a beneficiary...you do want to be a beneficiary, right?" Tyler: "Well are you planning on dying anytime soon?" A few minutes later I called Russell... Me: "Russell, I need your social security number." Russell: "Why?" Me: "So I can steal your identity." (thought I'd try it out one more time) Russell: Silence (dang, my joke didn't work again) Me: "No, really, I'm setting up my IRA and need your SS # so I can list you as a beneficiary...you do want to be a beneficiary, right?" Russell: "Well have you been feeling sick lately?" Me: "No, I'm just setting up my account and you have to plan for sickness and death ahead of time." Russell: "Oh." Me: "So can I get your SS #?" Russell: "Well how secure is the website?" Me: "I don't know...secure I'm sure. Do you want to be a beneficiary or not?" Russell: "Sure." Little do they know that my mom has a 3 by 5 card at her house in Idaho with all of our SS numbers written on it. I just haven't been able to get a hold of Lee yet to get those numbers from him. So I decided to just call my parents in Brazil to get theirs. Here's how that conversation went... Me: "Dad, I need your social security number." Dad: "I can't give that out...what for...how do I really know that this is you on the phone?" Me: "It is for my IRA account beneficiaries..." and then before I could even finish explaining my dad excitedly starts in with his SS #... Dad: " 519-**-****." So at least once my dad knew it had to do with being a beneficiary he gave me his number. Then he hands the phone to my mom. Me: "Mom, no one in this family trusts me!" Mom: "Well, you should have called me...I would have given you my social security number plus all my account passwords." (This is because we always tease my mom about how NOT careful she is with information like that.) Little does she know that I already know all her passwords but at least it is good to know that someone in my family trusts me and doesn't want me dead. And as far as Lee goes...he still won't answer my phone calls so I guess no money for him! He'll learn to answer when I call...

The dark side of life as a nomad...

Nomad: A person who wanders from place to place.

AKA: a transient, hobo, wanderer, vagabond, wayfarer(as in poor, with grief), and vagrant.

Yup, that's me. I'm on the move again.

I've lost track of how many times I've moved in the past year...especially if you count my temporary moves. In May of 2008 I sold my beloved house and moved all my stuff up to my parents' house in Idaho and then "moved in" with my Aunt Jenny for a few weeks. Then I stayed at my parents' house in Idaho for a few weeks then I was back to Jenny's for a few days. Then I moved my life to Paraguay for five weeks and then visited my parents in Brazil for two weeks. Then I flew back from Brazil on a Sunday and the next day moved into a place in Salt Lake that I had never seen living with people I had never met. That went well until our lease was up and none of us wanted to resign so we decided to all go our separate ways. So about four days after returning from Christmas in Brazil, I moved again. This time it was into a storage unit...well my stuff anyway. Then I spent the next few weeks at hotels, in Belize, and at my wonderful friend Rachel's house. And then I moved into another random house with more random people...

And that's where I have VERY STABLEABLY (not a real word) lived for 3 whole months!

But since I'll be out of the country for the majority of the summer and I don't have anything tying me to Utah right now, I figure that I might as well not be flushing my savings down the toilet in the form of rent. So my cute little grandma has said that I can move in with her for the summer so I'll have a home base in between my summer travels. And I'm excited to get to spend some time with my grandma and to get to eat her yummy cooking and to live in Idaho...even if it is just for a few weeks.

Oh, and if anyone else wants me to pop in for a visit this summer I'd be glad to. Maybe I could see how many different places I could spent a night at this summer and then blog about who was the best host/hostess. Maybe I'll even make a prize for the winner. I'm already planning on spending some QUALITY time with my cousins Geri, Bobbi, and Audrey. I can't wait to taste your cooking! JK JK JK!

Oh, but now to the whole point of this post which is... THE DARK SIDE OF LIFE AS A NOMAD. Really, I haven't minded the nomadic life overall. Although stressful at times it can also be exciting and carefree. And since I will most likely be a vagrant until my dad gets back from Brazil to build me a house in ID in 2011(SAD), I had better learn to love this lifestyle and I really do.

But here's the one dark side I didn't really ever consider and that is...life as a vagabond is EXPENSIVE. The moving vans, the gasoline, the thank you gifts to moving helpers, etc. It really adds up!

And right now I only really have a bed and a dresser to move from Utah to Idaho and it's going to cost me 350 bucks probably! Poopy. What should I do...just chuck my mattress on the side of the freeway and forget about it? Or I could sell my bed, but who wants some stranger's mattress even if it is 100% PEE STAIN FREE? Or I could store it down here in Utah but a storage unit isn't cheap plus I'd have to rent a truck to get it to and from the storage unit. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

And this, kids, is why you shouldn't be a wanderer.

Oh, and P.S., it is really crappy when your parents are on a mission and you no longer have access to your dad's pickup truck anytime you want. I will never take my parents or their pickup for granted again, never.

So, here's what I think I've finally decided to do. Bite the bullet and flush the 350 or so down the drain and move my bed and dresser to Ideeho. But then once I move it up there it is staying and no matter how long I live as a nomad, even when I come back to Utah in the Fall for school, I'm sleeping on a camping mattress on the floor of wherever I live. And I won't even care what my roommates think of me. Real nomads sleep on the floor anyway.

The end.

BFFs

Obama and Chavez...Best Friends Forever! We might as well start buddying up to our Socialist neighbors...that way when we get fully there in a few years we'll already have friends just like us! Yay for reaching out!

Poor Perverts...

Do you ever feel bad for guys who look like perverts but that probably aren't?

I do.

There's a professor in my grad program who looks like a perv...and he probably isn't. He must just have a major image problem. But every time I pass him in the hall at school the thought, 'PERV!' yells out in my head. And it makes me feel bad because he has never done or said anything purvey that I know of. He just looks like a pervert. Poor guy.

Oh Brother!

My roommate used to have a bunch of those big plastic magnetic alphabet letters on our fridge. I think she had them up for when she babysat her nieces and nephews at our house or something. Anyway, just recently she took them all off the fridge. I'm hoping that she took them off the fridge in preparation for her getting married and moving out next month and not because my brothers (Lee and Ty) spelled out

EAT

POOP

LOSER

in the center of the fridge while they were at my house over conference weekend. Seriously, I left them alone in my house for 10 minutes so they could change clothes for the Priesthood Session and in that 10 minutes one of the top things on their list was to write "EAT POOP LOSER" on our fridge? I mean I could maybe understand if they had been there waiting and bored for 2 or 3 hours or something, but 10 minutes? WOW.

Unfortunately it took me two days to notice it and scramble the letters. I don't know why I didn't notice it sooner. Especially since they took the time to use the extra letters to create a design around their little quote that basically framed it and made it SO noticeable.

So here I've been thinking my roommates were the weird ones for not knowing that you need to clean out the dryer lint filter, not knowing that you can't use normal dish soap in place of dishwasher detergent (don't most people learn that at like age 3 or at least by watching the Cosby show or something?), and for having a family home evening assignment board hanging up at our house with no names on it.

BUT...who's the weirdo now? Yup, that's right, thanks to my brothers it is me. Because as far as I know they don't know it WASN'T me. Oh well, luckily I'm moving out at the end of the month.

P.S. Just for the record I do actually really like my current roommates. I've been super lucky with all the many roommates I've had in my life to only have had 2, maybe 3 that I couldn't stand. Other than that they've all been nice, non-psychotic people.

Thank you CMT for the self-esteem boost!

Okay, I have to admit...I'm obsessed with the show My Big Redneck Wedding on CMT. My sister-in-law Kimmae blogged about this show awhile ago but at that time I... 1) had no spare time (due to working full time and going to grad school) to watch quality TV programs such as the one mentioned above. 2) Didn't have access to cable TV. 3) Didn't know what I was missing out on. 4) Didn't have a membership to a gym that has individual TVs for each treadmill. And because of those four reasons I had no clue what she was talking about, but now I do. Recently I got a membership to 24 Hour Fitness and they have individual TVs for each treadmill which is AWESOME! And not only are those TVs hooked up to a million channels of cable but you can also plug your iPod in and watch movies and shows that you have on your iPod on the TV screen. I love technology! And recently I have come to discover that TV has shows about EVERYTHING... shows about dwarfs, shows about people who have done more than their fair share of reproducing, shows about fat people who want to be skinny, shows about skinny people who want to be models, shows about washed-up semi famous people who want to be dancers, makeover shows, cooking competition shows, cake making competition shows, shows about little tanned, makeup wearing, toddlers who supposedly want to be beauty queens, shows where people fight and yell at each other, shows where experts try to help people not fight and yell at each other, shows about people having babies, shows about people having surgeries, etc! And quite honestly I'm not a big fan of these reality TV shows. All reality TV says to me is, "be a freak or a person in a really sad situation and you'll get on TV so that everyone else will watch in amazement at how freaky you are and will be glad that they aren't as weird/sad/fat/untalented/crazy/pathetic/dwarfy as you are." Now I'm not trying to dis anyone on any of those shows or dis any of you that like those shows...I do know that some reality TV can be inspiring and motivating, but I don't have to spend my time watching them if I don't want to...I'd take 30 Rock or The Office any day over reality TV because at least on those shows the people are just pretend crazy and I don't get quite so sad for the human race. BUT, for all the same reasons that I normally don't like reality TV, I love My Big Redneck Wedding. And last night at the gym I was lucky enough to get two back to back episodes...a full hour workout worth of the show. It made the time fly by. I love it because first of all it is hilarious. And second of all I walk away feeling so good about myself and filled with so much hope for my future because compared to those brides I... generally weigh less always have more teeth am definitely more intelligent And...I'll never have a wedding cake made of Hostess products (super common on the show), won't be getting married in camo, won't have a mud pit as any part of the wedding celebration, won't have cigarettes or chewing tobacco cans as any part of the wedding decor, won't receive a gun, teddy bear, or CB radio as a wedding gift from my new husband, and won't have dead or live animals as a part of the wedding ceremony. How do I know these things for certain you ask?...I just do. I just do. So thank you CMT for the entertainment and for the burst of hope for my future and the boost of self-esteem! I would highly recommend scheduling your day around My Big Redneck Wedding.

The Life of Millionaires and Junkies

A question that has come up a lot (mostly from my brothers) since I quit my job nearly two months ago is "What do you do all day now that you aren't working?" It's not like I have nothing to do and sit around watching Judge Judy and The View all day. I haven't yet resorted to filling my time with daytime television. I do keep pretty busy because all I did was move from an insanely busy, emotionally and physically unhealthy life to a life on the easy end of normal. First of all, I am in graduate school...which other than completely hating my job that was the main reason I quit. So now I actually study instead of always flying by the seat of my pants. It is so weird actually having time to study and time to be a good student. I can't be a slacker anymore because my excuse of working a million hours a week and trying to squeeze in school is gone. And because I'm not working I'm now able to go to Africa for five weeks this summer to work on my graduate degree. I'll get four credits for my time there and will get some great experience being in charge of a parasite study we'll be doing there. Yay! I now have time to exercise, to get a full night's sleep, and to actually cook sometimes and eat a bit healthier. I now have time to stay in touch with old friends, to make new friends and to go to activities and maybe even do somebody a favor every once in awhile. I now have time to breathe. And I know that someday I'll finish school and will have to return to that cruel world we call the workplace because I won't have school as a valid excuse for not working full time (although I guess I can still get a PhD). But until then, I'm going to enjoy it. I guess I do have a few jobs though. I have to support myself somehow even though I'm not working full time. So, basically I support myself by living the life of millionaires and junkies. Because my first job is... day trading, and my second job is...

selling plasma with the junkies (and other college students and post-menopausal women).

So yes, it is kind of a life of contradiction but I like it.

However, my plasma selling days may be short lived. I've only been twice and both times I've almost passed out and the only thing that kept me from passing out is having them stop sucking the plasma from my body, drinking a Capri Sun and elevating my feet. How LAME. I have never passed out in my life and it is a weird feeling to all of a sudden have your vision go blurry, your hearing turn muted, and feel like you are going to barf. It's kind of peaceful in a weird way though and I'm glad I've now experienced that feeling. I hope that someday when I die it will be that peaceful and surreal.

After I almost passed out the first time I decided to go back because there were all these people at the plasma "donor" center who looked way wimpier than me but who didn't have any problem at all "donating" plasma. Seriously, there were little college girls that had to only weigh a buck fifteen or twenty, women older than my mom, and even some guys with totally grey hair! I've never been one to be squeamish when it came to needles or anything and I see passing out (or almost passing out) as a major sign of weakness and I just can't accept it.

So, I went back a few days later and the same thing happened, although that time I'm blaming my nausea on the guy next to me who didn't smell so good. What a failure I am! I only have two jobs and I'm completely failing at one of them.

Now I'm trying to decide if I should go back a third time. And it isn't even about the money, although they do pay well. If I can get 40 bucks for a little plasma I wonder how much I could get for a kidney or a chunk of my liver? Hmmmm. I'll have to look into that. So yeah it isn't like I'm destitute for the money or anything...it was just going to be a way to get a little extra spending cash until I get back from my summer travels and can apply for a real part-time job...but I'm a FAILURE!

Well, whatever.

Anyway, besides school and my two jobs I keep busy doing a little pro bono work. I like to call my pro bono work Exporting goods to Brazil and babysitting my parents. Every time someone we know goes to Fortaleza I spend weeks before the departure shopping and filling suitcases full of all the things my parents "need." Things like: hot tamales, tomato juice, ranch dressing mixes, Skittles and Nerds for the missionaries, MoTab CDs, books from Deseret Book, chocolate pudding mix, Reeces PB cups, Junior Mints, holiday decorations from Mini Bazaar, clothing, etc. This time my dad has even requested cans of Pork n' Beans and some Root Beer. What the???

And now not only do I spend time trying to fill my parents' every need and desire but now somehow my little exporting business has caught on with some of my parents' friends in Brazil. So this time besides all the other necessities of life I'll also be exporting a laptop, some BYU sweatshirts, and some CTR dog tags (seriously, they make CTR dog tags).

But really I don't mind my pro bono work too much because it

1)allows me to do a lot of shopping with money that isn't mine...and I do love to spend money and shop, other than for clothes...I hate shopping for clothes.

2) It lets me fill my weird desire of pushing the limits on luggage allowances...I don't know why I love getting those bags to exactly 50 pounds, (or a little more if I can sneak it) but I do.

3) It means that I usually get to go to the airport to drop off the bags...and I love going to the airport even if I'm not going anywhere.

4) And lastly, it's all worth it when I talk to my parents on the phone a few days later and they're munching on some good old American candy (the best of the best) and I can sense the excitement in my parents' voices...it's like Christmas again and again.

So see, I'm keeping busy.