The DMV and the Beginning of my Life of Crime

I caved. 

I finally got a new Utah driver's licence. 

I had to. 

I need to get a new Brazilian visa, which is unfortunate for me since they are like 200+ dollars and also unfortunate because one of the requirements for the visa application is a copy of your driver's licence, presumably a valid one.  And, as my blog readers know I haven't had a valid driver's licence for over four months.


So I looked up the requirements for renewing my Utah licence and found that if I wanted to change the address on my licence from what it was five years ago to where I actually live now, I would have to bring two utility bills or other official mail showing my name and my new address to prove that I do actually live in Utah.  Well, all the utilities are in my roommate's name and I don't have any of my bank statements, credit card bills, etc. that come to my current address.  Ridiculous!  I've lived in Utah for over eight years, payed taxes here, voted here, go to school here and even pay resident tuition, etc., but because all my mail goes to Idaho I'm apparently not a Utah resident according to the DMV (Division of Motor Vehicles).  I'm not a resident of anywhere!  I'm completely stateless I guess.


HOWEVER, the DMV website did say that if I was just renewing my licence and not changing addresses then all I'd need to bring with me was my old licence.  


And that's where the lying began.  I decided that I'd just leave my address on my new licence as my address back at Turnberry Apartments from 5+ years ago when I first got my Utah licence.  I just thought oh well, it shouldn't matter what the address is on my licence...I move around so much anyway.  


How bad is it to lie to the government about where you live?  The government lies to me...can't I lie back to them just a little?  


Now I'm sure some of you are like "why didn't you just change your bank or credit card statements to your current address or something?"  The answer to that question is that I didn't have time to do that.  I've got to get this Brazilian visa application in the mail stat so that I can get my passport back before I go to the Domincan Republic with my book club in January. (I know, I know, I'm in the coolest book club ever!)  


Anyway, so I go to the DMV a few days ago and fill out my application with the old address like it is on my DL for my DL renewal.  I took my time filling it out and even took a few minutes to re-memorize my old address from Turnberry Apartments, in case they asked me for it verbally.   


I did, briefly, consider explaining my predicament with the address to someone at the DMV to ask them what they thought I should do, but I thought to myself, 'naw, none of these people have any power against the red tape and it's just better to ask forgiveness than permission.  Because what if they tell me no, and then I just won't be able to get a driver's licence at all?'


After a LONG wait, as is normal at the DMV, my number was called and I went to the desk.  The guy there starts to enter the info from my form into the computer and he says, "oh, that's weird, there is a different address in the system for you." 


Me: "Oh really," with a puzzled look on my face "what address is it?"  I remembered that at one point in my years in Utah I did update my address with the DMV, but I couldn't remember which of the four addresses I've had in SLC since moving out of Turnberry Apartments I used.  


DMV guy: "Oh, I don't know.  I already erased it."


Me: "Well," I said trying to act natural, "is it going to be a problem that the address on my expired driver's licence and on the form I just filled out are different from the one you had in the system?" 


DMV guy: "No, it is just weird that there is a different address in the system.  But it doesn't really matter for now.  The new strict rules that will make people  have to prove their new addresses aren't in effect until January 1st."  


Me thinking to myself: 'You idiot!  You could have put your real address.  Those rules you read online aren't in effect yet!' 


Ahhhhhhhhhh I hate myself!


But at that point I can't just say to the guy "Oh, JK, JK, JK I totally LIED about my address on that form.  Now that I know that I don't have to prove my current address can I change it?"  


But I just figured, what the heck.  I'm moving again later this month anyway and so no matter what address I put it won't be current for long.    


So I finish up with the DMV guy, pay my 25 bucks, and head over to the desk where they take the really ugly pictures of you.  


They take my picture and then tell me to go to another desk to wait for my licence.  When they call me up to that desk they hand my this flimsy TEMPORARY licence and tell me that my new licence will be mailed to me in 2 to 3 weeks.  


What?  I thought they give you your new licence right away?  So, I say to the guy, "Um, um, well, I'm going to be up in Idaho for a couple of months.  Is there anyway the licence can be sent to my parents' house in ID?"  


To which he says, "No, it can only be mailed to the address on your driver's licence" (the old Turnberry Apartment address from 5+ years ago). 


To which I say, "Well, can it be forwarded to me?" 


To which he says, "No, you can't forward government mail."


Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh why is my life so complicated?  


So, I now have a temporary licence on paper that I'm sure is not going to cut it as far as my Brazilian visa application goes (they are REALLY strict with the visas) AND, my new DL is getting sent to some random apartment in SLC where there's probably some refugee family from Burma living who won't speak English and won't understand when I show up at their door to try to explain my predicament.


I thought that was bad enough.  But, then I get home and start looking up the Brazilian visa requirements again and see that it says "ADDRESS ON DRIVER'S LICENCE MUST MATCH ADDRESS ON VISA APPLICATION."  Ahhhhhhhhhhh!  Now, what do I do?  I can't send my visa which is in my passport to this random apartment in Salt Lake City where I don't even know the people living there and take the chance that these people are good people and not criminals that are going to take advantage of having both my driver's licence AND passport and try and still my identity or something.


Ahhhhhhhhhhhh once again!


So, I called Jefferson County in Idaho and asked them what it would take so I could get a driver's licence there and if they would give me my licence immediately or if it would have to be mailed.  Now they already rejected me for a licence back in August because I couldn't prove my residency by either utility bills or a pay stub.  I explained that I was just moving to Idaho and wouldn't have any utility bills in my name and don't have a job yet, but need a licence.  


And it looks like good old Idaho is going to come through for me because first of all they give you your licence immediately, and second of all the girl on the phone asked me if I worked at all and I said "sort of" and she said, "well, just have someone you work for in Idaho write you a paystub or even a letter just saying you work in Idaho."  She was so nice and helpful, as a good Idahoan should be.  


And luckily I have technically worked in Idaho in the last year.  I worked one day at Mini Bazaar, and I work on a regular basis for Batt Construction as a personal shopper for the President of Batt Construction as well as the head of Batt Construction's Brazilan import/export division.  


So, I think I'll be able to get my licence after all.  I just have to take a written test though.  I hope I don't flunk.  That would be sad.  


Oh, and I've got to figure out some way to cancel my Utah DL from getting sent to that random apartment in SLC where I lived 5+ years ago.  I'll work on that tomorrow.  What a waste of 25 bucks! 


So, kids, you should have learned from this post that crime doesn't pay, and that it is better to ask permission than forgiveness.  


But, in my defense, I just have to say, "THE SYSTEM MADE ME DO IT!"  What was I supposed to do?


No wonder homelessness leads to a life of crime.  If you can't prove what your address is you're forced to start lying about it and then next thing you know you're robbing a Maverick store.  I bet that's how it all starts for some people...lying to try and get a stinking driver's licence!  What a messed up system!