Poor Perverts...

Do you ever feel bad for guys who look like perverts but that probably aren't?

I do.

There's a professor in my grad program who looks like a perv...and he probably isn't. He must just have a major image problem. But every time I pass him in the hall at school the thought, 'PERV!' yells out in my head. And it makes me feel bad because he has never done or said anything purvey that I know of. He just looks like a pervert. Poor guy.

Oh Brother!

My roommate used to have a bunch of those big plastic magnetic alphabet letters on our fridge. I think she had them up for when she babysat her nieces and nephews at our house or something. Anyway, just recently she took them all off the fridge. I'm hoping that she took them off the fridge in preparation for her getting married and moving out next month and not because my brothers (Lee and Ty) spelled out

EAT

POOP

LOSER

in the center of the fridge while they were at my house over conference weekend. Seriously, I left them alone in my house for 10 minutes so they could change clothes for the Priesthood Session and in that 10 minutes one of the top things on their list was to write "EAT POOP LOSER" on our fridge? I mean I could maybe understand if they had been there waiting and bored for 2 or 3 hours or something, but 10 minutes? WOW.

Unfortunately it took me two days to notice it and scramble the letters. I don't know why I didn't notice it sooner. Especially since they took the time to use the extra letters to create a design around their little quote that basically framed it and made it SO noticeable.

So here I've been thinking my roommates were the weird ones for not knowing that you need to clean out the dryer lint filter, not knowing that you can't use normal dish soap in place of dishwasher detergent (don't most people learn that at like age 3 or at least by watching the Cosby show or something?), and for having a family home evening assignment board hanging up at our house with no names on it.

BUT...who's the weirdo now? Yup, that's right, thanks to my brothers it is me. Because as far as I know they don't know it WASN'T me. Oh well, luckily I'm moving out at the end of the month.

P.S. Just for the record I do actually really like my current roommates. I've been super lucky with all the many roommates I've had in my life to only have had 2, maybe 3 that I couldn't stand. Other than that they've all been nice, non-psychotic people.

Thank you CMT for the self-esteem boost!

Okay, I have to admit...I'm obsessed with the show My Big Redneck Wedding on CMT. My sister-in-law Kimmae blogged about this show awhile ago but at that time I... 1) had no spare time (due to working full time and going to grad school) to watch quality TV programs such as the one mentioned above. 2) Didn't have access to cable TV. 3) Didn't know what I was missing out on. 4) Didn't have a membership to a gym that has individual TVs for each treadmill. And because of those four reasons I had no clue what she was talking about, but now I do. Recently I got a membership to 24 Hour Fitness and they have individual TVs for each treadmill which is AWESOME! And not only are those TVs hooked up to a million channels of cable but you can also plug your iPod in and watch movies and shows that you have on your iPod on the TV screen. I love technology! And recently I have come to discover that TV has shows about EVERYTHING... shows about dwarfs, shows about people who have done more than their fair share of reproducing, shows about fat people who want to be skinny, shows about skinny people who want to be models, shows about washed-up semi famous people who want to be dancers, makeover shows, cooking competition shows, cake making competition shows, shows about little tanned, makeup wearing, toddlers who supposedly want to be beauty queens, shows where people fight and yell at each other, shows where experts try to help people not fight and yell at each other, shows about people having babies, shows about people having surgeries, etc! And quite honestly I'm not a big fan of these reality TV shows. All reality TV says to me is, "be a freak or a person in a really sad situation and you'll get on TV so that everyone else will watch in amazement at how freaky you are and will be glad that they aren't as weird/sad/fat/untalented/crazy/pathetic/dwarfy as you are." Now I'm not trying to dis anyone on any of those shows or dis any of you that like those shows...I do know that some reality TV can be inspiring and motivating, but I don't have to spend my time watching them if I don't want to...I'd take 30 Rock or The Office any day over reality TV because at least on those shows the people are just pretend crazy and I don't get quite so sad for the human race. BUT, for all the same reasons that I normally don't like reality TV, I love My Big Redneck Wedding. And last night at the gym I was lucky enough to get two back to back episodes...a full hour workout worth of the show. It made the time fly by. I love it because first of all it is hilarious. And second of all I walk away feeling so good about myself and filled with so much hope for my future because compared to those brides I... generally weigh less always have more teeth am definitely more intelligent And...I'll never have a wedding cake made of Hostess products (super common on the show), won't be getting married in camo, won't have a mud pit as any part of the wedding celebration, won't have cigarettes or chewing tobacco cans as any part of the wedding decor, won't receive a gun, teddy bear, or CB radio as a wedding gift from my new husband, and won't have dead or live animals as a part of the wedding ceremony. How do I know these things for certain you ask?...I just do. I just do. So thank you CMT for the entertainment and for the burst of hope for my future and the boost of self-esteem! I would highly recommend scheduling your day around My Big Redneck Wedding.

The Life of Millionaires and Junkies

A question that has come up a lot (mostly from my brothers) since I quit my job nearly two months ago is "What do you do all day now that you aren't working?" It's not like I have nothing to do and sit around watching Judge Judy and The View all day. I haven't yet resorted to filling my time with daytime television. I do keep pretty busy because all I did was move from an insanely busy, emotionally and physically unhealthy life to a life on the easy end of normal. First of all, I am in graduate school...which other than completely hating my job that was the main reason I quit. So now I actually study instead of always flying by the seat of my pants. It is so weird actually having time to study and time to be a good student. I can't be a slacker anymore because my excuse of working a million hours a week and trying to squeeze in school is gone. And because I'm not working I'm now able to go to Africa for five weeks this summer to work on my graduate degree. I'll get four credits for my time there and will get some great experience being in charge of a parasite study we'll be doing there. Yay! I now have time to exercise, to get a full night's sleep, and to actually cook sometimes and eat a bit healthier. I now have time to stay in touch with old friends, to make new friends and to go to activities and maybe even do somebody a favor every once in awhile. I now have time to breathe. And I know that someday I'll finish school and will have to return to that cruel world we call the workplace because I won't have school as a valid excuse for not working full time (although I guess I can still get a PhD). But until then, I'm going to enjoy it. I guess I do have a few jobs though. I have to support myself somehow even though I'm not working full time. So, basically I support myself by living the life of millionaires and junkies. Because my first job is... day trading, and my second job is...

selling plasma with the junkies (and other college students and post-menopausal women).

So yes, it is kind of a life of contradiction but I like it.

However, my plasma selling days may be short lived. I've only been twice and both times I've almost passed out and the only thing that kept me from passing out is having them stop sucking the plasma from my body, drinking a Capri Sun and elevating my feet. How LAME. I have never passed out in my life and it is a weird feeling to all of a sudden have your vision go blurry, your hearing turn muted, and feel like you are going to barf. It's kind of peaceful in a weird way though and I'm glad I've now experienced that feeling. I hope that someday when I die it will be that peaceful and surreal.

After I almost passed out the first time I decided to go back because there were all these people at the plasma "donor" center who looked way wimpier than me but who didn't have any problem at all "donating" plasma. Seriously, there were little college girls that had to only weigh a buck fifteen or twenty, women older than my mom, and even some guys with totally grey hair! I've never been one to be squeamish when it came to needles or anything and I see passing out (or almost passing out) as a major sign of weakness and I just can't accept it.

So, I went back a few days later and the same thing happened, although that time I'm blaming my nausea on the guy next to me who didn't smell so good. What a failure I am! I only have two jobs and I'm completely failing at one of them.

Now I'm trying to decide if I should go back a third time. And it isn't even about the money, although they do pay well. If I can get 40 bucks for a little plasma I wonder how much I could get for a kidney or a chunk of my liver? Hmmmm. I'll have to look into that. So yeah it isn't like I'm destitute for the money or anything...it was just going to be a way to get a little extra spending cash until I get back from my summer travels and can apply for a real part-time job...but I'm a FAILURE!

Well, whatever.

Anyway, besides school and my two jobs I keep busy doing a little pro bono work. I like to call my pro bono work Exporting goods to Brazil and babysitting my parents. Every time someone we know goes to Fortaleza I spend weeks before the departure shopping and filling suitcases full of all the things my parents "need." Things like: hot tamales, tomato juice, ranch dressing mixes, Skittles and Nerds for the missionaries, MoTab CDs, books from Deseret Book, chocolate pudding mix, Reeces PB cups, Junior Mints, holiday decorations from Mini Bazaar, clothing, etc. This time my dad has even requested cans of Pork n' Beans and some Root Beer. What the???

And now not only do I spend time trying to fill my parents' every need and desire but now somehow my little exporting business has caught on with some of my parents' friends in Brazil. So this time besides all the other necessities of life I'll also be exporting a laptop, some BYU sweatshirts, and some CTR dog tags (seriously, they make CTR dog tags).

But really I don't mind my pro bono work too much because it

1)allows me to do a lot of shopping with money that isn't mine...and I do love to spend money and shop, other than for clothes...I hate shopping for clothes.

2) It lets me fill my weird desire of pushing the limits on luggage allowances...I don't know why I love getting those bags to exactly 50 pounds, (or a little more if I can sneak it) but I do.

3) It means that I usually get to go to the airport to drop off the bags...and I love going to the airport even if I'm not going anywhere.

4) And lastly, it's all worth it when I talk to my parents on the phone a few days later and they're munching on some good old American candy (the best of the best) and I can sense the excitement in my parents' voices...it's like Christmas again and again.

So see, I'm keeping busy.

Priceless

One Euro: $1.32

Round-trip flights to Europe from SLC: $401

Being a student with summers free during a big recession: PRICELESS

Is anyone up for a trip???

Great.

Tomorrow night I am picking up some of my parents' Brazilian friends from the airport so I thought I'd spruce up my car a bit today. I guess I have a short memory because I used the protectant wipes I bought a few months ago but swore I'd never use again because they made my car stink. I remembered that the cleaning wipes made my car stink but I couldn't remember what they made my car stink like. So today I opened the package and took a whiff and... Nothing...They just smelled like a cleaning wipe should smell. So I thought to myself...'maybe there was never anything wrong with the smell...maybe I just had a migraine when I used them before which made me over sensitive to smell...I guess I'll just use them again.' About 2.5 seconds after I started wiping down my dash I remembered why I didn't like this particular brand of cleaning wipe...because they make my car smell like B.O.! There must be some weird reaction with my car and the wipes that produce the smell, but the combination forms what is, without a doubt, a strong, B.O. smell...think sweaty Germans wearing spandex, boys' locker rooms, or pre-deodorant use junior high boys with Mexi-stashes and you've got the right smell in mind. GREAT. Just what I need. So I run buy a car air freshener...you know, the tree shaped kind. I'm not into air fresheners for cars because they are usually too strong for me, but this was an emergency. So I tried to find the smell least likely to cause me to get a migraine and I chose WATERMELON. The watermelon wasn't strong enough however to mask the B.O. smell so now my car smells like a bunch of sweaty guys eating watermelon. I hope it clears out by the time I have to pick up the Brazilians...it's their first visit to the U.S.A. and I don't want to scare them off or give them something to call home about right off. Maybe I'll crack my windows all day tomorrow and hope it clears out. Wish me luck!

Belize or Bust...trip 2!

In February I headed back to Belize for a little more cheap sunshine. This time I brought along with me my co-worker Crystal, my travel buddy Kate and her friend Kristin, and my roommate Mindy and her friends Valerie and Brooke. It was a fun group of seven girls...or that's how we started out anyway. We later sort of added more people as the trip went on. Here below is the group of the original seven of us.

I knew we were in for an adventure when Crystal and I went through security in SLC...it's all how things start. I had gotten through security and was just putting all my clothes back on when I turned around to look for Crystal and spotted her in this glass security booth getting completely frisked down by a TSA person...including having her hair frisked (she has long, thick, hair and it was sort of pulled up so she probably could have hidden some weapons in there).

Just then I get a message on my phone from Mindy up at the gate wondering where we were. I called her back and left a message saying that, "we are late getting up to the gate because Crystal is getting a major frisk over and that it is too bad she didn't at least have some nunchucks or grenades or something hidden in her hair to make it worth TSA's time." Maybe you had to be there but it was pretty funny turning around to see some guy massaging through your friend's hair. So the rest of the trip we teased Crystal about her hidden weaponry in her hair. We had a little down time later on in the trip so we reenacted the moment. I am the TSA officer and Crystal is Crystal. We didn't have any nunchuks or grenades so we used a knife, a can opener and some other metal thing we found in our hotel room for props. I frisked her hair...

and look what I found...that little terrorist! I mean I guess someone could hide stuff in their hair. Lee used to SWEAR there was a girl in our ward who had hair so big that she hid Cheez-Its and other snacks in her hair to eat during church. So I guess it is always better safe than sorry when it comes to airport security.

Anyway, since we were all a bunch of single girls traveling to Belize on February 13th I guess we thought we could avoid the whole Valentine's Day thing. But not so...all over they were having Valentine's Day sales. Seriously, of all American holidays for a foreign country to adopt...why that one?

Anyway, we got into Belize City in the evening and headed straight to San Ignacio which is a few hours away. The next morning we got up and went to the big Saturday market in San Ignacio where they sale fruits, veggies, fresh fish, clothing, crafts, etc.

Then we headed to the Guatemalan border which isn't far from San Ignacio. I guess I must escape to Central America often around Valentine's Day because as we were crossing over into Guatemala I noticed in my passport that I have a stamp for entering Guatemala on February 13th, 14th, and 15th...all from different years. So three of the four times I've been to Guatemala has been on or around Valentine's Day...weird, I know. We drove from the Belize/Guatemala border for a couple of hours on horrible roads until we got to Tikal...which is one of, if not the most impressive Mayan ruin in all of Central America. I'd been there over five years ago but it seemed different this time and luckily I have a poor memory of all the things I learn while traveling so I will gladly go to the same place more then once.

We saw howler monkeys there which are SO LOUD and scary sounding. I couldn't get a close enough picture of any of the monkeys so I instead got a picture of everybody staring at the monkeys. I don't know why though.

Here I am with a side shot of one of the temples.

Here's part of the main plaza complex at Tikal. I couldn't get it all in one picture. The Mayan people still come here to worship I think at the equinoxes or solstices or something.

Me in front of my favorite Mayan temple. I just like how steep the temples are at Tikal...a hike to the top is not for those scared of heights.

A view from one of the temples to a few others in the distance. Most of Tikal is still covered in jungle so you can just imagine what a big impressive city it was just by how impressive what has been uncovered is.

The top of a Ceiba tree. The Mayan people worship this tree. They refer to it as the tree of life. According to them, it unites the nine levels of the underworld (aka hell) with the earth and the thirteen heavens. It is a really cool looking tree and they get super old and huge if they aren't cut down or choked to death by a matapalo.

After Tikal we went zip-lining nearby. Our guide said we had time for shopping or zip-lining and I think both he and our driver were surprised that with seven girls we unanimously chose zip-lining over shopping. I guess they didn't know what kind of group they were dealing with.

We had a couple of crazy Guatemalans who didn't speak much English as our zip-line guides. They were letting/encouraging us to do some crazy stuff on the zip-lines, like hanging upside down or zip-lining Superman style, meaning that you aren't hanging on with your hands at all and your harness thing is on backwards. It was super fun and SUPER safe mom. We weren't up nearly as high as when I did it in Costa Rica.

Here's me zip-lining superman style on the last zip-line of the course as we are getting back close to the ground.

All of us zip-liners

After zip-lining we headed back to San Ignacio where we had dinner at Hannah's. The food there was AMAZING and let me just say that if any of you get to San Ignacio anytime soon, make sure to have the quesadillas at Hannah's. One thing that I was super impressed of in Belize is just how good pretty much everything we ate was...especially the fresh fish we ate at the coast. Yum!

The next morning we went to church in San Ignacio. Other than some guy dipping his finger into the Sacrament water, touching his finger to his forehead and then crossing himself, it was a totally normal and nice meeting. The members there were super friendly.

After church we loaded up in the suburban and our favorite driver, Manny, took us to Placencia which was 3 or 4 hours away. It was a fun and beautiful drive.

Here we are all scrunched in. Valerie, Crystal, Brooke and Mindy all sat in the middle seat so there would be room for our new found friend Ed (who we met at Tikal) to hitch a ride with us to Placencia. Ed is from Canada and was traveling with his brother and his brother's pregnant wife. Yeah, bad idea. So they were basically a drag to travel with and so when we met him at Tikal and he could see that we were a lot more fun then a guy and a pregnant lady he sort of joined up with us.

DON'T WORRY mom, he was a totally nice guy, and he stayed at a completely separate hotel than us and was never alone with any of us. We aren't stupid, I promise. Actually it was kind of nice having a guy with us. Belize is quite safe, especially Placencia, but we did have a night when a drunk Rastafarian wearing a pirate shirt wouldn't leave us alone and having Ed there came in handy. ALSO, seven girls traveling with one guy made for quite a scene and was a great conversation starter in a little town like Placencia made up nearly entirely of locals and retired people from the U.S. and Europe. To say the least we stood out. In fact we started telling people that we were filming season 14 of the Bachelor. To see more about that see Kate's Blog.

One lady we met asked us how we met Ed. We told her that we picked him up in Tikal. A little later she asked us, "So seriously, how did you guys all end up traveling together?" And we had to tell her that we seriously picked him up in Guatemala. The funny thing was is that there were signs at the border of Guatemala warning about involvement in human trafficking. So the rest of the trip whenever someone asked us about our interesting little group we either explained it with the filming of the Bachelor excuse or just told them we were involved in human trafficking and were taking Ed back to the states to sell him. If people can't believe the truth we'll just tell them something else I guess.

So here's the new group. Seven girls and Ed from Canada.

We stopped at the blue hole on our way to Placencia which is supposedly hooked through underground caves with the great blue hole that is out in the ocean as well as other caves throughout Belize. There are A LOT of caves in Belize so I sort of believe it. Plus I think Jacques Cousteau said it was true and he knew his diving.

After we finally found our hotel, Dianni's Place, in Placencia... Here we are with our super cool driver, Manny. He was a really nice guy, knew lots about Belize, loves Belize, was funny, and overall just a fun driver to have.

There's nothing better than sitting by the beach drinking a Pina Colada (virgin of course).

This was a sign, I think in front of an ice cream shop in Placencia. My favorite was that "A" stood for "Anti-Sadness." I think we should all promote anti-sadness around the world.

Here's THE SIDEWALK in Placencia. They seriously have a road and a sidewalk....all the restaurants, hotels, etc are either right on the road or right on the sidewalk. It would have been hard to get lost there. We went out to a private island to go snorkeling one day. After the never ending boat ride this is what my hair looked like. Now you can see why I'm wearing a do-rag most of the trip. Humidity+short hair+wind+sweat+hair product=DISASTER. That's why usually if I'm in a humid climate I'll do my hair in the morning but within an hour or so I'll just put on a do-rag. Looking good in humidity is hopeless for me.

Here's our snorkeling guide with a live crab in his hand. We did a morning snorkel and then had lunch on the island and then did an afternoon snorkel. After lunch (which by the way was this AMAZING Rastafarian barbecue/dutch oven meal) and before the second snorkel our guide showed us how to fish for bone fish using live crabs as bait. It was so much fun and I even caught a bone fish!

Here's the little private island we snorkeled around. I think it was called Ranguana Caye. It was such great fun! We even saw a couple of nurse sharks up close and I didn't have a nervous breakdown. It was great. We dove down and picked up conch shells and huge starfish. It was fabulous snorkeling.

Here we are leaving Ranguana Caye after a long day of snorkeling. I mostly put this picture in because I forgot to mention our second add-on to our group, a 79 year-old lady named Dottie who is seen here in the boat. She was staying at our same hotel and just decided to go snorkeling with us and then sort of hung around with us at other times too. She was a hillarious lady from the southern United States that knew everything about everything. It was just funny to see some 79 year old with her little tiny dog (that looked like a fat rat instead of a dog) traveling around Belize.

She must have felt she bonded with us because later that night (after 2 hours of choppy boat rides to the snorkeling site) she asked me to rub BenGay on her back. Super weird but I guess it makes for a great story. I mean, how many of you have rubbed BenGay on a stranger's back?

I think Dottie was secretly fascninated with our group dynamic because first of all she had a crush on Ed and second of all she couldn't believe that there were seven of us girls all traveling together, having a great time and getting along. She kept telling me that she was amazed that we were all traveling so well together. I thought it was funny that she couldn't believe we were getting along. It is like she was expecting some big chick fight to break out that never did. Sorry to disappoint you Dottie.

Here's the sign at the Everyday Supermarket in Placencia. And just in case you don't know what everyday means, they are open Monday to Sunday which equals EVERYDAY!

Placencia is just a cool peaceful little place. Everybody was super relaxed and cool and nice. How could you not be though? Here's half the town out playing baseball.

Our hotel had bikes for rent so we rode out to a beach farther away from our hotel and also rode all around Placencia.

Here we are at the restaurant called Wendy's (not the hamburgur place). The food was super good here as it was everywhere in Placencia.

Here we are having gelato for the millionth time and I'm not exaggerating. The gelato place, called Tutti Fruiti was run by this Italian guy, named Lorenzo, and his wife who just up and moved to Belize to enjoy a nice relaxed life making gelato in a beach town. The gelato was amazingly good and about one-half or one-third the price that you'd normally pay for gelato so we went SEVERAL times in our time there. Lorenzo even took requests from us and made special flavors just for us. Kate and I wished he'd had punch cards for frequent customers because even though we were just there a few days we probably would have filled one.

The beach near our hotel

Here we are getting on a little tiny plane to head back to Belize City to catch our big plane back to The States. I'm not as comfortable with little planes as I am with big planes because it actually feels like you are flying when you are in a little plane and not like a big jet plane that seems more like a magic bus you get on and bam, 8 hours later you are in Europe or somewhere. I like magic busses rather than actually feeling like you are flying, but I still do okay with the little planes.

Goodbye Placencia!

Overall it was a great trip because it was inexpensive, I had a fun group to travel with, and we had many great adventures and yet were all safe.

I like all the cool people I meet while traveling. They are people who are LIVING LIFE to the fullest. People are just friendly on vacation too...in fact our last night there we met a couple of really cool older couples who I think were interested in our group's dynamic and thought we seemed fun and nice and even invited us to go out on their yacht with them...too bad we had to leave, we could have had even more fun.