Revenge of the Nerds...

Labor Day weekend 2009 was quite laborious (and not in a good way) for me. What did I do, you ask? Well, ALL weekend I worked on Biostatistics homework. And when I say all weekend I mean ALL weekend. Between Friday, Saturday, and Monday (and maybe a bit on Wednesday and Thursday) I worked for at least 30 hours, probably more, (no exaggeration here) on the homework for two horrible Biostatistics chapters. For those of you who have never had the pleasure of taking Biostatistics, let me tell you a little about it. To me anyway, Biostatistics is like taking a difficult math class, a boring computer programming class, and a confusing language class all at the same time. Yay! And really the worst part about it, surprisingly, isn't the math...it is this user un-friendly program called STATA that you have to use to create graphs and tables and do statistical analysis and other nerdy things. Here's a little screen shot of STATA...

It looks scary, huh?

It is.

The worst part about it is that the program, instead of just being easy to use and normal, uses this secret NERD CODE.

Say you want to make a graph. You would think you could just click a button that says, "make a graph," but no, you have to enter in a bunch of what seems like to NORMAL people gibberish like this...

sc writegroup zero , mlabel(writegroup) mlabsize(vsmall) /// mlabcolor(black) msymbol(i) , plotregion(style(none)) ysca(noline) /// ylabel(none) xsca(noline titlegap(-1)) xlabel(0 -20 "20" -10 "10" /// 10(10) 20 , tlength(0) labsize(vsmall) grid gmin gmax) ytitle(group for writing scores) /// legend(order(- "Female" - "Male" 4 1 5 2 6 3) col(2) lab(1 "high ses") /// lab(2 "med ses") lab(3 "low ses") lab(4 "high ses") lab(5 "med ses") /// lab(6 "low ses") lab(7 " ") colgap(40) symysize(.5) size(vsmall) bmargin(small) rowgap(*.5))

and apparently to the computer geeks this gibberish is an actual language that they, and only they, understand. A secret language among techies.

And that brings me to today's subject with is: REVENGE OF THE NERDS. As I use this statistical computer program a little more I'm realizing that there are ways to get around having to use the secret nerd code. But, you just have to figure out the program by trial and error because the lab manual, book that comes with the program, and all the Internet help sites are written in this secret code and not in a way anyone with a normally developed left-brain will ever understand.

Nerd.

So anyway, as I see it, this computer program and therefore Biostatistics and therefore my whole entire life could be MUCH easier if only this secret language of the Brotherhood of the Nerds didn't exist.

Here's the way I see it. First of all the nerds/geeks/techies/dweebs, etc. are getting back at us all for being JERKS to them in Junior High by making us all struggle and cry and feel like complete idiots when using computer programs like STATA. Also, I think they also create these crazy, confusing computer programs so that they will be needed and will always have secure employment helping normal people navigate through computer programs. So it is major REVENGE OF THE NERDS.

And so far, their revenge is working on me. But I'm starting to break the code. This week's homework is looking like it is only going to take me 15 hours instead of 30+. So there NERDS, your revenge on me won't last much longer!

And even if I do struggle all semester long (which I probably will), at least I have this great poster my mom got me for my birthday to remind me not to freak out and give up and give in.

The poster was designed (but I think never used) by the British government during WWII as a way to promote calmness during even the worst of times. Yeah, so what if your flat is being bombed to pieces by the Nazis? Just "KEEP CALM AND CARRY ON." Maybe that is why the poster never actually got used. Because seriously, who is going to keep calm while there are Nazis around? Maybe though the poster will work on less serious things like keeping someone calm even when their brain is being bombed to pieces by Biostatistics. Hopefully...

Addendum and Acknowledgements:

First of all I would like to thank my brother Tyler for helping me fix my computer when I accidentally somehow locked my keyboard during the writing of this post and for always fixing my computer for me and explaining things to me. Geek. (JK, JK, JK!)

I would also like to share some definitions found during the research for this post.

A geek is any smart person with an obsessive interest.

A nerd is the same but also lacks social grace.

A dweeb is a mega-nerd.

And I think a techie is like a nerd with extraordinary (even among nerds) computer skills.

I would also like to warn any of you extreme left-brainers out there that you'd better not leave me a comment telling me how easy statistics, math in general, computers, code, or statistical computer programs are or I'm going to reply by sending you a text message at least 10 times a day that just says "Nerd."

Also, if any of you are considering any sort of a graduate program that requires a statistics class may I highly recommend that you DON'T DO IT! Don't put yourself through it. You are educated enough. Besides, there aren't any jobs out there anyway and there's no reason to torture yourself with more education. Please, take my advice. Thank you.

End of addendum and acknowledgements.