Hello, my name is Becca and I am a masochist.
I must be anyway. I mean, seriously, what person with extreme hydrophobia is dumb enough to sign up for a SCUBA diving class? Only a masochistic hydrophobic would do that to them self.
Basically here's how SCUBA class goes.
You go to the class part and the first thing they do is hand out fliers for special SCUBA divers insurance...you know, in case your lungs blow up and they have to fly you to a hospital.
Then the instructor spends the next little while telling you everything that can possibly go wrong while SCUBA diving as well as throwing in a few stories from his job as a search and rescue diver and says stuff like, "the bodies don't stink until you bring them up out of the water." (That was a direct quote from our class.)
Then after they thoroughly scare the living #&!! out of you they take you over to the Aquatic Center. And let me just tell you, even entering a public swimming pool as an adult microbiology major takes courage...not to mention the chlorine burning out your retinas.
So then you get all your SCUBA gear on and get in the pool and spend the next hour and a half basically, as far as I'm concerned, waterboarding yourself and then you're done until next week.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS I THINKING? And all this, just to prove to myself for my stupid 30th birthday that I can do anything.
And you know, I feel bad that our government waterboarded potential terrorist subjects, but at least those people didn't PAY to get waterboarded...at least it didn't cost them anything to get tortured.
Honestly, this is the most cruel thing I have ever done to myself. I couldn't fall asleep forever last night just worrying about our open water dive coming up next week but I just keep telling myself that this masochistic behavior doesn't have to become a hobby...that all I have to do is just do it this once and then I'm free. Then at least I can say, "I HATE SCUBA DIVING" and that feeling will be based upon an informed opinion and won't just be, "I think I would hate SCUBA diving."
Now I'm sure some of you are reading this and are thinking what a wimp I am...and I am. I have major problems with having my nose underwater and not plugged...especially deep under water. I can swim just fine because you just get down the breathing pattern and you're fine. Plus, you are close to the surface so you can always come up if you get water in your nose. I actually really liked swimming lessons but had to quit when it came to diving because I absolutely cannot dive or jump under water without my nose plugged and like a nose plugging diver is ever going to get into the Olympics.
And so it isn't the actual SCUBA diving that scares me. You are under the water, but your eyes, nose and mouth are covered and all is well. It is the training exercises that you have to do in case something goes wrong under water that are so horrible. The worst one of all is you go down, and take off your mask...so you can't see anything and water is RUSHING up your nose and then instead of bolting to the top and just breathing some air like any normal person would want to do, you have to put your mask back on and then clear out your mask by exhaling through your nose. It is HORRIBLE. It is torture. And seriously, it is basically like waterboarding you pay for because you practice basically drowning yourself and then saving yourself over and over again.
Last night by the time we were done I think I swallowed at least 2 gallons of Aquatic center water, which we all know consists of 2 parts water, 4 parts urine, 2 parts chlorine, and 1 part miscellaneous. So yeah, today I'm feeling really great.
So, in conclusion, for my 40th birthday challenge I'm going to be nice to myself and make myself learn how to crochet or something a little less scary.
The end.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Me, the Masochist
Hello, my name is Becca and I am a masochist.
I must be anyway. I mean, seriously, what person with extreme hydrophobia is dumb enough to sign up for a SCUBA diving class? Only a masochistic hydrophobic would do that to them self.
Basically here's how SCUBA class goes.
You go to the class part and the first thing they do is hand out fliers for special SCUBA divers insurance...you know, in case your lungs blow up and they have to fly you to a hospital.
Then the instructor spends the next little while telling you everything that can possibly go wrong while SCUBA diving as well as throwing in a few stories from his job as a search and rescue diver and says stuff like, "the bodies don't stink until you bring them up out of the water." (That was a direct quote from our class.)
Then after they thoroughly scare the living #&!! out of you they take you over to the Aquatic Center. And let me just tell you, even entering a public swimming pool as an adult microbiology major takes courage...not to mention the chlorine burning out your retinas.
So then you get all your SCUBA gear on and get in the pool and spend the next hour and a half basically, as far as I'm concerned, waterboarding yourself and then you're done until next week.
SERIOUSLY, WHAT WAS I THINKING? And all this, just to prove to myself for my stupid 30th birthday that I can do anything.
And you know, I feel bad that our government waterboarded potential terrorist subjects, but at least those people didn't PAY to get waterboarded...at least it didn't cost them anything to get tortured.
Honestly, this is the most cruel thing I have ever done to myself. I couldn't fall asleep forever last night just worrying about our open water dive coming up next week but I just keep telling myself that this masochistic behavior doesn't have to become a hobby...that all I have to do is just do it this once and then I'm free. Then at least I can say, "I HATE SCUBA DIVING" and that feeling will be based upon an informed opinion and won't just be, "I think I would hate SCUBA diving."
Now I'm sure some of you are reading this and are thinking what a wimp I am...and I am. I have major problems with having my nose underwater and not plugged...especially deep under water. I can swim just fine because you just get down the breathing pattern and you're fine. Plus, you are close to the surface so you can always come up if you get water in your nose. I actually really liked swimming lessons but had to quit when it came to diving because I absolutely cannot dive or jump under water without my nose plugged and like a nose plugging diver is ever going to get into the Olympics.
And so it isn't the actual SCUBA diving that scares me. You are under the water, but your eyes, nose and mouth are covered and all is well. It is the training exercises that you have to do in case something goes wrong under water that are so horrible. The worst one of all is you go down, and take off your mask...so you can't see anything and water is RUSHING up your nose and then instead of bolting to the top and just breathing some air like any normal person would want to do, you have to put your mask back on and then clear out your mask by exhaling through your nose. It is HORRIBLE. It is torture. And seriously, it is basically like waterboarding you pay for because you practice basically drowning yourself and then saving yourself over and over again.
Last night by the time we were done I think I swallowed at least 2 gallons of Aquatic center water, which we all know consists of 2 parts water, 4 parts urine, 2 parts chlorine, and 1 part miscellaneous. So yeah, today I'm feeling really great.
So, in conclusion, for my 40th birthday challenge I'm going to be nice to myself and make myself learn how to crochet or something a little less scary.
The end.
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5 comments:
I was wondering how it was going. Now I know. But I know you won't give up. Who knows, you may get to love it yet. Oh, and #&!* means heck, right?
You're a brave woman.
Way to go Becca. You are way better than I am. I would probably never do anything that scared me. Curtis keeps trying to make me walk on the side of the canyon. FREAKY!!! I don't know if I will ever do it but if I do I will be thinking about you. And about the urine, very true. But now all the little kids have to be in swimmers so it might not be as bad as it was back in the day.
that was the worst part for me too. I did my pass-off at the Heber crater. I bolted up to the top like 4 times trying to do that. I would get my mask 80% cleared, then I would get a little up my nose and bolt up to the top. I had to go back and re-do it the next week. You can imagine how sympathetic and understanding my two brothers were. . .
Just remember though that even if you get a little up your nose, you still CAN breathe through your mouth piece hooked to the oxygen tank. It's hard to remember though, I feel like a hypocrit telling you this. :)
Look on the bright side, your sinuses will be nice and clean!
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