Dear Spammers and Scammers...

You've really got to work on your English, grammar, punctuation, and presentation.  Don't you guys have any native English speaking friends?  Because you really should get some, and have them take a quick look at your spam emails before you send them out...a quick proofread is all you need.  


Because when I open up my email and see something like the following...

heyI have a good information to share with you.A while ago,a trading company attractive to me,the price is very competitive advantage, so I bought some products.It is very exciting,very pleased when I got and saw my goods.I think you can go to see:  << www.famous-elects.com >>you'll save more money in there.

I know it isn't from Heidi N. (even though the email came from her email account), but rather from a spammer in Brazil (or Russia, or Turkey, or wherever).  


And spammers, because your English, grammar, and punctuation are below par, I'm not going to ever click on that link and find out about _________ (that great deal on Viagra, a business opportunity I just can't miss, a prince in Nigeria who needs my help, enhancers and weight loss pills, etc.)  


Anyway, work on your English and email presentation a little and get back to me.  Maybe I'll sucker for your spam if you try a little harder.  

Welcome Home Becca

I got home from Brazil a week ago and found this...

on the rear window of my car.  


I laughed quite a bit to myself and then instantly started guessing which of my three brothers was the culprit.  Because I knew it had to be one of them.  No one else would dare put a Spinster, Family of One, sticker on my car, except one of my brothers...or one of my spinster friends.  And none of my spinster friends live in Idaho, so I knew it had to be one of my brothers.  


I'll let you guess which one(s) it was.  


Anyway, I'm trying to decide whether or not to keep it on my car.  The last time I had any sort of sticker on my car was in 1998 when my 1964 Ford Falcon Futura, Phyllis, sported an Impeach Clinton Now! sticker.  
 
So do I keep this Spinster, Family of One sticker on my car? Is it funny?  Or does it scream "lonely and weird"...or "Hey serial killer, pick me, pick me...I'm all alone in the world and it will take longer for anyone to report me missing"...?  


I'm thinking I could add "SPINSTER" below it to make it funnier.  And maybe even write "SPINSTER" in Old English font...you know, to give me some credibility with the gangs.  


What do you think?  

That Diane Keaton feeling...

Sometimes I want to be like Oprah (even though she is most likely the Antichrist).  Like when I want to be super rich and have a vacation home everywhere I go.  Or when I want to have a magazine and a cable network that's all about me.  Or when I want to have a personal trainer, fashion consultant, chef, etc.  Or when I want to have disgusting amounts of money that I can secretly use to help people.  

But mostly, I want to be like Oprah because I want to tell everyone about my favorite things...and then have them buy them (or better yet be able to just give them to everyone) and have everyone else love and enjoy my favorite things too.  

However, I am not rich, am not Oprah, and am definitely not the Antichrist (sounds like too much work for me).  But, I can still have my favorite things.  

And here's one of them...

my new little yogurt maker...isn't it cute?  And not only is it a darling little contraption, but it's super easy to use and makes delicious, fresh tasting yogurt.  

I'll be honest...I'm kind of a yogurt snob.  I really don't like American yogurt.  It just tastes like preservatives, food coloring, and corn syrup to me...fake, fake, fake.  Yuck.  I've tried every brand there is (even the fancy organic type brands) and have never found a yogurt in the U.S. that I liked.  

But then I had this genius moment when I remembered that I used to like yogurt as a kid because my mom made homemade yogurt for us.  So, I got online, did a little research, and found out that I could make homemade yogurt without any special equipment, but it would be a time consuming and messy process.  Or, I could buy a yogurt maker and I'll I'd have to do is dump milk and yogurt starter in little jars and then push a button and voilà, I'd have healthy homemade yogurt.  I opted for choice number two, the lazy, but less messy choice.  

Anyway, I'm so happy with my homemade yogurt.  It's delicious.  And nutritious.  And I especially love it when I have fresh fruit to mix in.  Yum!  

But you know what my favorite part about the whole yogurt maker thing is?...

the super adorable little jars that come with it.  When I whip up a batch of yogurt in those little jars I just can't help but feel like I'm Diane Keaton in Baby Boom.  And I like feeling like Diane Keaton in Baby Boom.  In fact, I think getting that Diane Keaton feeling is what makes the homemade yogurt maker one of my favorite things.  

So come over for a taste test and I'll let you experience my homemade yogurt's deliciousness for yourself.  I promise, once you get used to fresh yogurt you'll never go back to sucking over-colored, over-preserved, over-sweetened yogurt out of a plastic Go-Gurt tube.  Your taste buds (and you) will be way to classy for that.  

How the Sounds of Sunday shook my testimony, lowered my self-esteem, and made me hate Abraham Lincoln...in just five minutes.

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of listening to the radio program "The Sounds of Sunday," let me give you a little background before I delve into this post. 

Basically it's a Sunday morning radio program that's supposed to "set the tone for your Sabbath day."  But mostly it just makes me want to barf and jump off a tall building at the same time, which would really be messy. 

It's not officially associated with the LDS Church (as the less nauseating program "Music and the Spoken Word" is).  Thank heavens, because I would have to seriously reconsider my religion if it were.  The Sounds of Sunday does come across pretty Mormony though.  I think the guys who put the program together are Mormon and there's plenty of Mormon church music between each one of their Chicken Soup for the Soulish type messages.  It started in S.E. Idaho and later spread to infect the airwaves of several states.  Embarrassing.  

Anyway, I know that many of you may like the program...that's fine.  We all have our own opinions and you're welcome to blog about your love of the Sounds of Sunday.  But I find it to be super duper über cheesy.  And, since it's not an actual LDS sanctioned program, I feel as though I'm not committing blasphemy to admit that I don't enjoy the program...at all.  

So, anyway this morning I was in the kitchen making a salad for our family Sunday dinner, which would occur later in the day.   The radio was on, and before I knew what was happening, the Sounds of Sunday message of the hour came on.  I was in the middle of the salad making mess so I didn't bother walk over to the radio and turn it off.  

And boy am I glad that I didn't because I got to hear the following little inspirational treasure...  

You know, while we tend to want unending happy hearts and contented days, our Father in Heaven wants something greater for us, and the pathway to that is a broken heart and a contrite spirit.

The story is told of Abraham Lincoln and his courtship of Mary Owens. Now, Abe had met Mary several years before through an association with a friend. Well, following a tragedy in his life, Lincoln’s friend suggested that Abe and Mary would make a fine couple, and that she, the friend, would be willing to travel to Kentucky and bring Mary back. Abe was much in favor of the idea. However, when Mary Owens arrived, she was far different than Abe remembered, having gained considerable weight.

Well, try as he might, Lincoln could not persuade himself to fall in love with Mary Owens. He tried to convince himself that the brilliancy of her mind eclipsed her size, which it evidently did, but the desired flame of love would still not kindle.

He was a man in trouble! He had committed, sight unseen, to marry her. Well, he procrastinated the proposal until finally in a letter he asked for your hand. Now, I suspect no woman has ever received a proposal worded quite like this one. This is what he wrote:

“…This thing of living in Springfield is rather a dull business after all. I’m afraid you would not be satisfied. There’s a great deal of flourishing about in carriages here, which it would be your doom to see without sharing in it. You would have to be poor without the means of hiding your poverty. Do you believe you could bare that patiently?“What I have said I will most positively abide by – provided you wish it. My opinion is that you had better not do it. You have not been accustomed to hardship, and it may be more severe than you now image. “Yours, Lincoln”

Well, Mary Owens turned him down. Lincoln was surprised by the rejection, and a little broken-hearted, probably more at the blow to his ego than the infatuation of his heart, and he resolved “never again to think of marrying,” and for this reason: “I can never be satisfied with anyone who would be block-head[ed] enough to have me.”

Well, fortunately for Lincoln and history, he met Mary Todd shortly after, and they were married. She healed his heart and gave him to history as the great emancipator.

Now, my point: All men set their hearts on something or someone, and it because that some of us set our hearts on the things of this fallen natural world that we’re called natural men. And it is for that reason that all men must experience a broken heart and a contrite spirit. Hearts set on natural things must first be broken to then be bound on heavenly things.

My friends, our greatness in the hereafter and here will be directly connected to our willingness to let God have His way with our hearts right now.

Okay, here's a recap for those of you too lazy to read the actual transcript.  So basically, according to this story, Abraham Lincoln was dumb enough to get engaged to a woman he hadn't seen in years.  

He meets up with his fiancée, and is like "dang, she got fat," and, like a total DB, thinks, "I don't want to marry her anymore...she's intelligent and amazing but the brilliancy of her mind does not eclipse her size."  

So, old Honest Abe writes her a letter where he basically tells her how much being married to him is going to suck and how much she's going to hate Springfield, blah, blah, blah.  

And she writes him back and is like, "never mind, engagement off, I don't want to marry you either Mr. Frankenstein Face..."

And then Lincoln gets all offended that this fat lady, who he didn't even want to marry, now doesn't want to marry him.  

So he's like "waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh, well then I guess I'll just never get married..."

But then he meets and marries Mary Todd, who according to pictures, got fat later on in life anyway.  I guess it's a good thing Lincoln died early and didn't have to live to see the day his wife got fat.  Who knows, he might have divorced her.  

So anyway, that's the story.  And at the end the of the story the Sounds of Sunday guy tried to tie this horrible little account about Lincoln into the gospel.  But I think that's the biggest stretch in the world since Al Gore said he invented the Internet.  

I don't get what Abraham Lincoln rejecting a fat lady, who then rejected him, and then feeling all bad and saying he'd never marry but then getting married anyway to a lady who later packed on the pounds herself, has to do with the gospel...at all.  I think it's blaspheme to even try to make a tie-in on that one.  

So now I hate Abraham Lincoln, feel like crap about myself, and am embarrassed to be a Mormon.  

Thanks a lot Sounds of Sunday, thanks a lot.  

Oh, and Lincoln, the next time you reject someone because of lack of physical beauty, maybe look in the mirror first.  You're no piece of eye candy yourself!  Oh, and unless there's a typo in the transcript, you used the word "bare" incorrectly.  Idiot.  

I was born on the wrong continent...

I'm in Trinidade, Brazil right now doing a little traveling.  Last night my travel buddy Kate and I were talking to some fellow travelers from the U.K.  We asked one of them how long they were traveling for and which places they were traveling to.  She said, "well, we're not really traveling...we're just on a short two and a half week trip."

What? A short two and a half week trip?...that Brits don't even consider to be traveling?  Well, then I guess I've done very little traveling in my life! 

That conversation with the Brit led Kate and I to a discussion of how we had both surely been born on the wrong continent because pretty much everyone else in the world knows how to properly vacation...even the Japanese.  And we decided that we wish our ancestors would have just stayed put.  Because then we (and our desire to travel a lot) would be considered normal.  


And instead of being from America where bosses tell people that "three week vacations are what retirement is meant for," we'd be from somewhere where people don't wait for old age to travel and see the world...and enjoy life.  

I then reminded Kate that if we were British we'd have bad teeth.  But then Kate reminded me that neither of us have naturally bad teeth nor had to have braces or any major work done.

So, really we could have been British, had nice teeth, AND could have traveled like the Europeans. 

And regardless, I'd take "gap year" over nice teeth any day. 

My Ecuadorian Mini-Break

On my way to Brazil in January I took a little mini-break to Ecuador.  I was originally planning on going for 10 days, but my parents were a little worried about a white girl (me) traipsing around Ecuador by herself for 10 days.  I think it might have been me saying things like, "while I'm in Ecuador I might just pop up into Columbia for a day or two," that really got them worried.  I guess I should have kept my mouth shut.  


But, my parents' worries became my own and I spent sleepless nights wondering whether or not the money from the book deal I'd surely get after being captured by Columbian drug dealers would exceed the amount of ransom my parents would have to pay to get me back, or not.  And, in the end, I wasn't sure my 10 day solo trip to Ecuador would turn out to be a financially sound decision.  I don't know how much ransom Columbian drug dealers are charging these days.  And, to be honest, I don't know what book deals for Americans who get captured by Columbian drug dealers are bringing in either.  


So, I decided to change my ticket and go for only three days instead of 10.  That would give me enough time to see Quito and get a little taste of Ecuador, without having so much time on my hands that I'd be likely to wander out into enemy territory.  


The reason I wanted to go to Ecuador in the first place is because it's the last of the easily accessible South American countries for me to visit.  I've been to all the countries in South America except for Columbia, Venezuela, Guyana, Suriname, and French Guiana.  


Guyana, Suriname, and French Guiana aren't the most convenient countries to travel to.  And then there's the whole language barrier with Suriname and French Guiana as I don't speak a bit Dutch and the only thing I can say in French is "bon appétit," and I doubt that would be very helpful.  French Guiana isn't really a country anyway, but rather just a part of France so I couldn't even add it to my list of visited countries.  And, to be honest, I really don't know what there is to see in those countries except for jungle and maybe some waterfalls.  So, my visits to those places will have to wait for now.  


And, Venezuela and Columbia aren't maybe the smartest places for a blond, white, American girl to visit right now.  Especially since I'm very anti-socialist and I've been very clear about that on my blog.  I mean, who knows, Chávez could be one of my blog leeches and might know that I do not agree with his politics.  


So, anyway, back to Ecuador.  Quito is a pretty little city.  It's situated on a high plateau and is surrounded by mountains and volcanoes.  

















Quito is a colonial city and has many beautiful churches, convents, and other buildings built during the Spanish Colonial Era.  The churches and convents contain amazing art, some of which was brought from Spain, and other parts of Europe, and some which was created in the convents' own art schools in Quito.




This is the courtyard of the St. Francis convent, which was built in the 16th century.  

These next two pictures are scenes from the famous street in Quito called La Ronda.  It's a part of colonial Quito that has been very well preserved.  I love the little kid leaning out of the doorway, head resting on his soccer ball, just looking like he's waiting for his dad to get home from work to play with him.  So adorable!

This is a very typical Ecuadorian dish.  It looks kind of scary but was actually pretty decent.  The fried banana was a bit much.  I can handle a bite or two of fried banana, but that's about it.  The pork and avocado were excellent, as was the tomato/onion salad once I removed the onions.  Onions=yuck.  Mixed with the pork were three kinds of corn...basically fresh cooked corn kernels, a hominy type corn, and then a hard salty corn, which were basically CornNuts, with some ginormous beans thrown into the mix.  It was kinda weird but kinda good.  Not my favorite foreign cuisine ever, but definitely several thousand steps above Ghanaian food.  Ghanaian food=double yuck!

Here's one of the pretty churches in Quito.  They have tons of beautiful churches but I didn't carry my camera with me a lot of the time when I was in the old part of the city because a lot of the old city is kind of sketchy and I didn't want to attract anymore attention to myself than I already was as a white blondy traveling solo.  So, I really didn't take too many pictures.  But, the city is quite beautiful.  You'll just have to believe me, or go there yourself to see.  

Here's just another view of Quito.                                                                                                 

I've wanted to go to the equator for a long time.  And, although I've been really close to the equator a few times, I'd never actually been to the equator. And, what better place to visit the equator than Ecuador?  

The equator is only about 25 km north of Quito's city center.  You can take a taxi to La Mitad del Mundo (which means "the middle of the world") monument for about 40 dollars or take the local bus for 40 cents.  I opted for the 40 cent plan.  Not only because I'm cheap and poor, but mostly because, if I wasn't going to be kidnapped by Columbian drug lords, I at least needed to do something slightly adventurous during my time in Ecuador.  

It was fun taking the bus.  I was the only non-local on the bus and I made several friends because of it on my way to the equator.  I had to change buses a couple of times and for one of the legs of the journey the bus fare was 15 cents.  I asked the girl next to me if the school kids have to pay for the bus fare (because they don't have school buses but just ride the city buses).  She said that they did, but that they only paid half price.  I wonder if they have to pay 7 cents or 8 cents.  Hmmm.  

Anyway, here are my pictures of the equator.  

I first went to the La Mitad del Mundo monument where scientists in the 1970's said the location of the equator was.  But now recent GPS data shows the true equator to be about 240 meters north of La Mitad del Mundo monument...right where the Indians supposedly always said it was.  Those dang Indians are always right about stuff like that!  


So at the "true equator" line they have a little Indian museum called the Intiñan Solar Museum.  It was a really interesting little museum.  They have shrunken heads (of real dead people), which quite honestly, I didn't even know were a real thing.  Before visiting the Intiñan Solar Museum I just thought that shrunken heads were something someone made up for the Indiana Jones movies.  I had no idea that Amazonian Indians (and Nazis) really shrunk heads.  Crazy.  


They also explain more about the equator and explain and demonstrate the Coriolis Effect as well as other scientific phenomenon.  Very interesting. 












































Anyway, I really enjoyed the little bit of Ecuador I was able to see during my mini-break to Quito.  The people are nice and friendly (sometimes a little too friendly), the scenery is beautiful, and the history is intriguing.  


One thing I found interesting is that Ecuador doesn't have it's own currency.  They just use US dollars.  They do mint their own coins but they are the same values and shapes as our coins and they use our coins and their coins interchangeably.  I've been to a few countries, like Belize for example, where they accept US dollars pretty much every where, but they still have their own currency too.  I've never been to a country that just doesn't even have a currency of their own.  Well, I guess except for Zimbabwe, but that is because their economy is completely messed up right now.  


I think it's brilliant/kind of moochy of Ecuador to use the US dollar.  They don't have to pay to print money, to develop new currency designs, to destroy old money, etc.  Haaaaaaaaaa they stick it to the American taxpayer to pay for all of that, while they enjoy the benefits of a stable (or somewhat stable) currency.  Dang those Indians are smart.  


Oh, and in case you're wondering where all of the Sacagawea one dollar coins that our government minted in 2000 and that never really caught on in America are...well, the answer is Ecuador.  Within hours of being in Ecuador I had nearly 20 of them that I'd received as change.  Ecuadorians love Sacagawea dollars.  


Tons of our coins and small bills are tied up just in the bus system of Ecuador.  So think of that next time you lick a dollar bill!  


Anyway, Ecuador is definitely on my list of places to return to with more time and more people.  I really want to go to the Galapagos Islands someday.  But it's pretty expensive to travel there, so I'll have to wait until I'm old and rich...or at least old.

Jericoacoara...A Little Piece of Paradise

Sometimes the sixth time is the charm...

I've been wanting to go to Jericoacoara since the first time I came to Fortaleza.  It's a little resort town/fishing village 300 kilometers away from Fortaleza.  It's famous for its beautiful beaches, scenery, warm sandy-beached lakes, rock formations, and tranquility.  

I finally persuaded my mom to go with me.  It took a lot of work.  She wasn't too excited about the five hour bus/truck-jeep ride to Jericoacoara.  But I asked everyone I knew here in Fortaleza whether or not it was worth going and everyone (except for one slightly paranoid guy) said to definitely go.  The paranoid guy said not to go because we'd certainly be jumped, robbed, and killed.  Boy was he wrong.  Jericoacoara was the quietest little peaceful place you could imagine.  I'd feel comfortable sleeping outside in a hammock with a sign saying "steal my ipod and kill me," pinned to my shirt.  Really, I would.  

Unfortunately my dad couldn't join us.  The first year of my parents' mission Jericoacoara was within their mission boundaries, but after their mission split in July of 2009, Jericoacoara became part of the Brazil Teresina Mission.  Mission presidents don't leave their missions (other than for training meetings) but luckily they're a little more flexible with mission moms.  

So, off we went.  We took a nice bus for four hours from Fortaleza to Jijoca, where the paved road ends, and then a truck-jeep thing (as seen below) for an hour until we arrived in Jericoacoara.  

This is the view of Jericoacoara from the beach when the tides were really low. The beach doesn't drop off very fast at all.  You can walk out super far and still touch the bottom.  So, it's a really nice place for swimming, not to mention the 81 degree water year round.  Fantastic!  

My mom, with the little town of Jericoacoara in the distance.  

There are sand dunes and palm trees everywhere you look...

and cool rock formations...

as well as hotties, like Fabio here.

For 90 dollars you can hire your own little dune buggy and driver for the day.  We were lucky enough to get "Tattoo" as our driver.  He was super cool and did a really great job of driving sideways on the dunes and making me think we were going to flip over.  It was fun!

Oh, and I forgot to mention that we took a couple of our friends from Fortaleza with us to Jericoacoara, Kimberly and Caroline Cabral.  It's more fun traveling with a bigger group and plus we decided it might be nice to have a couple of locals with us in case our paranoid friend was right about the jumping, robbing, and killing that was sure to befall us in Jericoacoara.  Not that Kimberly and Caroline could have really stopped the jumping, robbing, and killing, but at least they could have yelled at our attackers in proper Portuguese.  

Approximately 96.4% of all modes of transport in Jericoacoara are dune buggies.  Motorcycles get 3.5 % of the people around, and the other 0.1% of vehicles in Jericoacoara are cars.  All of the roads are sand, so dune buggies make the most sense.  And they're more fun and probably less expensive than cars.  

A typical road in Jericoacoara

My cute mom in a dorky hat at the beach.  Don't worry, she knows the hat is dorky.  In fact, she abandoned it at our hotel.  

As part of the dune buggy tour they take you to three lakes near Jericoacoara. We went to Blue Lake, Paradise Lake, and Heart Lake.  When I first heard that we'd be going swimming in lakes I wasn't too excited.  For a girl from Idaho, lake swimming means freezing cold muddy water, leeches (and you all know how much I despise leeches of any kind), moss, snakes, and possibly dead floating bodies.  

But, Blue Lake and Paradise Lake were fantastic and gave me a new view of lake swimming.  The water was warm and clear, there were no leeches, not a bit of moss, no serpents, and, if there were any dead floating bodies you'd see them before they bumped into you because the water is so crystal clear.  The bottom of the lake is just sand, with no yucky plants, moss, or rocks to get in your way.  I loved it!  

Here's my mom chilling in one of the hammocks they set up in the lake.  

And may I just pause here to say how much I love hammocks and how we need to give them a more prominent position in American culture.  Hammocks can be a bed, a chair, and a swing...all in one.  What other piece of furniture has so much to offer?  They're inexpensive, mobile, and comfortable.  


And, as if hammocks aren't wonderful enough already, Brazilians put hammocks into lakes, which makes them even more enjoyable.  


Oh, and it was a little overcast so my pictures don't show how amazingly clear and blue the water was in Jericoacoara, but it was, I promise.  




Here are a couple of people kite surfing in one of the lakes.  The beaches in Ceará (the state that both Fortaleza and Jericoacoara are in) are world famous for kite surfing.  If I'd have realized that you could kite surf in a lake and not just the ocean, and that the lakes were so clear and warm, I would have tried kite surfing.  But, I guess that will have to wait until next time.  It looks so fun though and is definitely on my bucket list now.  

Just a gorgeous view from the buggy ride.  

On the buggy ride we got to a place where you have to drive through a little river.  There was a truck stuck in the riverbed and so a bunch of the buggy drivers stopped to help.  While we were sitting there watching them try to pull the truck out, all of a sudden out of nowhere, a little kid wearing a red cape, ran towards the scene of the accident.  It looked like Superman was flying in to save the day.  Minutes later the truck was unstuck.  I think it had very much to do with Superman's presence.  As we drove off I waved to the kid and said, "Chau Superman," and we all had a good laugh.  I don't know what a kid was doing out in The Middle of Nowhere, Brazil wearing a red cape and blue tank-top, but he couldn't have shown up with more perfect timing.  

Jericoacoara is just a fantastic little tranquil town.  It's the kind of place where you stop by while riding your horse to watch your friends play soccer...

whether or not you're fully dressed.  

It's the type of place where you can dine in elegance while wearing your swimming suit and flip-flops with your skin still greasy from tanning oil and sunscreen.  

It's the type of place where you could spend days and days just sitting at the pool...

This is one of the pools at our hotel.

breathing in the scent of tropical flowers and sipping water from a coconut, and nobody would think less of you for it.    

We had a great time in Jericoacoara.  I think my mom would say it was definitely worth the five hour ride each way.  

I think that the five hour bus/truck-jeep ride is the reason why Jericoacoara is such a wonderful little place to visit.  Because there isn't an airport there.  And, unless you are Warren Buffet, Bill Gates, Donald Trump, and/or Oprah, and can afford the 50 minute helicopter ride from Fortaleza, you have no other option other than that five hour drive.  

And, since there aren't too many disgustingly rich people in the world, and most people don't want to take a five hour bus/truck-jeep combo ride to paradise, but would rather fly directly there, I think Jericoacoara is safe from over-development and ruin (and Señor Frog’s) for a little longer.