Okay, people, please don't take this post as a sappy post of me complaining about my sorry lonely life. It isn't meant to be that. Instead it should be taken as an instructional post as I love all my blog commenters and sort of like some of my blog leeches and I don't want any of you to ever be STUPID, because even nice people are stupid sometimes.
Let me set the scene....
Cousin's wedding reception. Young cousin. Maybe 20 years old. Marrying nice guy in the temple at the "normal" age for marrying. Perfect.
Enter me. Nearly 30. Severely single. At said wedding reception. Trying not to feel awkward. Holding my darling little cousin William as a distraction and if nothing else as a conversation starter for people who don't know what to say to a SINGLE PERSON (Awkward). At least they can say, "Oh isn't he darling," or "Whose baby is this," etc.
Enter *Ruth. Ruth is a very nice distant relative that I see at weddings and funerals. Ruth is friendly and fun and NICE. Normally. I like Ruth because she is friendly and goes out of her way to talk to me.
Me. Sitting at a table with non distant relatives. Chat chat chat. Ruth sits down next to me. More chat chat chat. Friendly friendly friendly. THEN, ALL OF A SUDDEN out of NOWHERE Ruth hits me with a zinger. "SO, ARE YOU STILL SINGLE???" she says.
SILENCE around the whole table as all eyes look my way. 'What will the unstable crazy single girl say?,' people wonder...
Me: "Yup."
Me again mostly to break the awkward SILENCE: "So Ruth, are you STILL SINGLE???" By the way, Ruth is like a 70+ year old widow.
Ruth laughs and says, "Yes."
Me: "Well I'll keep my eyes open for a nice man for you to marry."
Conversation over. Two points Ruth. Ten points Becca.
SERIOUSLY, "are you still single?" What kind of a question is that? First of all I just saw and talked to Ruth at yet another cousin's wedding in April. I was single then. And because I'm not some Ricks College (aka:BYU IDAHO) student, I think it is safe to say that a few months later I would NOT BE MARRIED.
And, if by chance a miracle had occurred in those few months and I wasn't single anymore then wouldn't I have some awesome guy sitting next to me??? Or, wouldn't I have some major bling bling on my ring finger??? Or, if nothing else, wouldn't I just blurt it out to you because I would be so freaking ecstatic to NOT have to spend the next 60 years BY MYSELF only to be found dead and alone, half eaten by wild dogs at the age of 90??? Yes, yes, yes.
Dear Ruth,
If I am ever NOT STILL SINGLE, I will send you an invitation to my wedding reception. That is how you'll know. Until then, let's not repeat the conversation we had today.
Thank you, Becca
So tonight I'm laying in my bed thinking about this conversation and how maybe I can convince my mom to put "STILL SINGLE" on my headstone since she refuses to fulfill my dying wish of having "SPINSTER" on my headstone.
That gets me thinking about my future headstone... (I'm not really weird, I just couldn't sleep because the dread of 60 lonely years was hanging over me...that's why I was mentally designing my headstone.)
Anyway, I decided that if I can't have "SPINSTER" or "STILL SINGLE" on my headstone like I want that at least I should have some say in how it looks, and I decided that my headstone should:
definitely not have any hearts on it
nor birds
not a picture of trees and mountains
NO ANGELS for sure
Of course not a kitty or puppy
and NO shellacked pictures of me, please, please, please
How about just a nice upright rectangle or old school rectangle with a rounded top, my name, date of birth, date of death and maybe two straight lines, one thick one thin bordering the whole thing. Classy I think, don't you?
Okay, time for bed.
*name changed out of the kindness of my heart
12 comments:
Becca, I think you should use the tombstone to write down a list of lovers you had. It doesn't have to be real, but then people will think, wow that girl could not be tamed.
;)
"The Girl Who Could Not Be Tamed"
I remember Aunt Marion having these same feelings. Her number 1 hated question was "how is your love life?" What?? The lady was an educated, "nice" person....just apparently slighty retarded. Can't believe some people....truly can't.
Call me. I have to know who "Ruth" is. I might already know, but need to confirm.
P. S. How do you feel about Teddy Bears?
I was working in the temple the other day and ran into one of my friend's mother (this said friend got married a year ago). She looks at me in my temple dress with name badge and is all "Did you get married?" I told her no, and that singles can work in the temple. She then told me if I worked on the activities committee I would get married (her daughter happened to be the activities chair when she got engaged). I told her I was sure that wouldn't work. And is stupid.
Also, if necessary, I will personally buy you a tombstone with "spinster" on it.
So, are you married yet? Just Kidding. So I take it, this wasn't Aunt Ruth? I'm dying to know who. I kind of know how you feel. I was at a wedding reception right before I went to law school and the father of the bride asked me what I was doing. I told him I was starting law school and he told me to "be careful because if I got too educated no man would ever want me."
To prevent my picture from being posted as your number one blog leach, I want you to know that I read your blog tonight. Ken told me about your conversation with "Ruth" last night. You handled it well. She will think about it and apologize the next time she sees you. I got an apology for something she said to me at the last reception.
How about "Day Trader" outlined with dollar signs?
$$$$$$$$$$$$$
$ Day Trader $
$$$$$$$$$$$$$
Nancy, you left a comment just in time. I had your 9th grade picture all ready to post tonight. So Ken was at the table too? I couldn't remember exactly who else was at the table except for Aunt Ramona because she made a face when "Ruth" asked the dreaded question. If the conversation stuck out to Ken then it makes me feel good because at least I wasn't the only one who thought the question was STUPID. Oh, and will you tell Tallie who "Ruth" is?
Oh, and to Mr. Anonymous, you are HILARIOUS! What am I supposed to tell people that I do for work??? I don't see what's wrong with telling people I'm a day trader. Nobody is going to take me seriously anyway.
I had an encounter with a "nice" gentlemen as I was walking to the temple changing room at my sister's wedding. This "nice" guy stops me and says, "Are you Andrea's brother?". "Yes," I said, wondering who the heck this guy was. "When are you putting in your mission papers?" he asks. "I'm 25 years old. I got back from England 4 years ago." I said, still wondering who this moron is and why he is talking to me. "So why aren't you married?" he replies. At this point, I don't know what I said, but I remember being extremely irritated by this impromptu interrogation by a complete stranger. I wanted to say, "I don't know, why are you so fat?" I don't know why some people are let out of the house.
--Aaron
Great come back!! I love that you turned it around on her... haha!!
I agree that nice people are stupid sometimes. A lady at church asked me today when I was going to have my baby. My baby is two months old and she was in the car seat right next to me. I now hate that lady and will make sure that she knows it. Your great Becca, I love reading your blog and promise to not be a leech anymore :)
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