Merry Christmas Everyone!

It's that time of year for my annual blog-delivered Christmas greeting.  I've searched for just the right inspirational message to share with you and decided that the best thing I could do (since I'm not really the inspirational message type) is to bring you all a bit of holiday cheer via a mini-episode of Rigby 911.  

I have a stack of crime logs I've been collecting for several months from that great literary work, The Jefferson Star, that have just been waiting in all their glory for me to share them.  I circled or highlighted the 911 calls I considered to be the funniest/most interesting/most ridiculous.  They included the typical weird Rigby things like: a woman complaining because "dogs were doing things in her backyard," a man calling to get permission from the police to shoot some pigeons that were pestering him, cars being ransacked, juveniles running wild, hot tubs being discovered under tarps in old sheds (LOVE shack baby!), someone calling to report that their house "might have been burglarized" (yeah, call us back when you're sure), and the typical collection of calls relating to people being potentially scammed or calling to report fraudulent charges on their credit cards.  

So, there was quite a little collection of super special 911 calls from, I'm sure, super special people.  There's no way I could be a 911 dispatcher...especially in a little place like Rigby.  I would bust up laughing at 90% of the calls...people are so ridiculous about what they'll call 911 about.  

Anyway, I decided to just share my top two favorite 911 calls, maybe favorite of all time.  I just feel they are so good that I didn't want the other, just normal good, calls to take away from these two.  So, here you go.  These are real and are written word for word as I took them from the Rigby crime log.  

12:40 p.m. Suspicious circumstance reported on 336 N. in Rigby.  A resident called to inform police that corn syrup was in the storage room in the home and no one in the house knew where it came from.

What the what the????????  First of all, who doesn't have objects of unknown origin in their storage room?...Second of all, don't call the 911 EMERGENCY line.  Just throw the corn syrup away you paranoid weirdos!

and this one...

6:24 p.m. Information given in Northwest Hamer.  A resident reported that someone is in a red parasail and shooting animals from the sky.

I'm not a fan of hunting (at all), but I think this Hamerite may have just invented the coolest/most dangerous sport ever.  

And one more for the road...

12:31 a.m. Disturbing the peace reported on N. Rigby.  Resident called to report that the neighbors were singing loudly.

Fa la la la la la la la laaaaaaaa!

Merry Christmas everyone!  (Oh, and sorry about the singing!)